FUNNIES: Now Nobody Can Run Ports, Like Before -- 3.12.06

March 12, 2006 — -- A roundup of the late-night comics.

The Tonight Show

Jay Leno: Did you hear about this? The people have spoken. The Dubai port deal is dead. We got our ports back. … Dubai announced they will sell ownership of the six American ports to another investor. The bad news? It's Iran. Yeah, but OK, it's a step in the right direction. They're calling this the biggest setback for the Bush administration -- all day.

Real Time

Bill Maher: I think I know why you are in a good mood tonight. That Dubai ports deal finally died. … Port security will go back to being handled by the same people who were handling it before. Nobody.

The Tonight Show

Leno: Hey, that's something you rarely see: Republicans rejecting a business deal? That's like a Democrat turning down a hooker. That never happens.

Late Night

Conan O'Brien: According to The Washington Post, newly retired Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan has been offered $8 million to write a book. Yeah. Yeah, finally a book that captures the romance and excitement of an old man talking about interest rates.

The Tonight Show

Leno: Did you hear about this, now to get even with us the United Arab Emirates … they are talking about not buying any American-made products. Oooh. Yea, we got them there too: We don't make any products in America anymore. … They're all in China!