Accused Petit Murderer Joshua Komisarjevsky: 'I Lost Control' and 'Enjoyed It'


Four journals were seized from Komisarjevsky's prison cell. McDonald deposited $100 into Komisarjevsky's prison bank account at least three times and the two men exchanged as many as 11 letters.

In his journals Komisarjevsky claims that once he started beating Dr. Petit it "released a leash too hard to rein back in."

"I was faced with the shocking realization that in some respects, I enjoy it," he wrote. "They were experiencing what I experience every day."

Komisarjevsky appears to question his actions, writing, "I am not proud of the outcome of July 23."

The journals also depict a sense of regret by Komisarjevsky, who writes, "Michaela, angel of my nightmares. My pain to yours does not compare. How could I have turned my back walking out that door knowing your fear and sorrow?"

"Michaela, Haley, Jennifer - forgive me please," he writes. "I am damned, take my life."

Gruesome Diaries of Accused Petit Killer

Prosecutors dismissed Komisarjevsky's writings as figments of his imagination that depicted "the world according to Josh."

Parts of the letters written by Komisarjevsky read as how-to guide to burglary. He writes, "French doors are a pain in my a.. and not worth my time."

"I'm a burglar, everyone knows I'm a burglar," he boasts in the letters. "[I can] get into any building I put my mind to."

"If the house has kids or the neighborhood has a lot of play sets, the location of the bus stop is important," Komisarjevsky wrote. "I check to see if there is a neighborhood watch program."

"Every home has its own unique noises," he said. "I memorize these sounds and mimic them as I move through the house."

Komisarjevsky describes in the letters how he'd always wear black turtlenecks during robberies and would linger on the property he was targeting so he could catch a glimpse of the alarm code as the homeowner enters it. Then he comes back in the morning, "makes certain no one is home, and the burglary begins," he wrote.

"If you look like you belong, then you're invisible," he wrote.

After the burglaries, Komisarjevsky said he'd often go out, writing that he "likes strippers."

Earlier testimony focused on Hayes when a witness described the convicted rapist and killer as often being "vulgar" toward women and said he would shout crude remarks to women they passed on the street.

Philip Theed, a building contractor who briefly employed Hayes in 2007, was one several witnesses called to the stand by the defense lawyers in an attempt to spare the murderer's life.

Theed told the jury today during several long car rides with Hayes to and from work the conversation would turn to sex.

"He made comments that he particularly liked oral sex," said Theed, adding that it was, on occasion, "vulgar and rude."

Several times Hayes would yell at women working at the condos where they were doing construction in a "sexually suggestive way."

"He would just speak of his desires for women and liking oral sex and he had the hots for sort of Latino women who were working at the condos," said Theed.

Theed lent his car to Hayes in the days leading up the invasion of the Petit home in Cheshire, Conn.

The sentencing phase of Hayes' trial began Monday with the convict's lawyers asking the jury to have an "open mind" when it came to determining his punishment.

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