Outed: What Happens When Your Philandering Goes Public?

July 18, 2007 — -- "In most any other marriage, this would have been a private issue between a husband and a wife. Very private. Obviously it is not here."

Sen. David Vitter, R-La., stood quietly beside his wife, Wendy, while she spoke those words to the press Monday. As the senator looked on, she discussed the difficulties she and their family have faced since word that the senator was a client of the D.C. Madam was publicized last week.

The senator and his wife say they reconciled in private a year ago, and they begged the press to respect their privacy.

"It's been terribly hard to have the media parked on our front lawn and following us every day…Yesterday the media was camped at our church," Wendy Vitter said.

The motives and psychology of the forgiving wife -- whether it be Wendy Vitter, Hillary Clinton, or someone else -- are often discussed when public figures stray. Their personal strain and the private motives behind their public actions are explored at length.

But how does the philandering politician -- especially one like Vitter, who has already reconciled in private and is apparently attempting to reconstruct his marriage -- respond privately to the public scrutiny that intrudes on that process? Does the publicity jar personal attempts to reconcile with his wife, or can it actually prove cathartic and help the couple move on?

The days of the press standing quietly by while President John F. Kennedy entertained countless women are long gone. Today it is taken for granted that if a politician has an extramarital dalliance, their status as a public figure gives the public the right to that information.

"When you step into the public light, isn't that part of what goes on? As a public figure I think they're held to a public life," said Gary Shriver, who cheated on his wife 15 years ago but has since reconciled with her. The couple co-wrote the book "Unfaithful" about their recovery from his affair.

Shriver said that all affairs have consequences, which vary from person to person depending on their individual situation. For Vitter, one such consequence is a public airing of his fault. "It is part of his past and it is part of my past, and there are consequences to my sin," Shriver said.