Tightrope: Don't take customers' insults personally

— -- Hi, Gladys,

I am a self-employed salesman. I can't help but to get upset after a long day of rejections. And my day can become even more distressing if I get a customer who is irate or says upsetting things. What can you suggest that I do to get beyond the bad behavior of customers?

Alan W.

When dealing with rejection or an irate customer, or anyone else that leaves you feeling depleted of energy and self confidence, don't take it personally.

During a phone conversation with my friend Janna, she told me about two incidents that left her feeling less than two inches tall.

The first occurred with Maxine, a customer at Janna's antique shop and a casual friend. Janna's husband and Maxine's husband are good friends and fraternity brothers who sponsored a fundraiser for a mutual friend running for public office. Maxine's husband volunteered their home for the event; Janna's husband volunteered her services as coordinator. The two men assumed the responsibility for developing the guest list.

Maxine's career as a physician kept her very busy. With that in mind, Janna went about making arrangements for invitations, catering and wait services.

The morning of the event, a very upset Maxine telephoned Janna and demanded to know exactly who had been invited to her home and what nerve Janna had to get involved with planning an event at her home without letting her review and approve the invitees.

Janna said the more she tried to explain that she had nothing to do with the guest list, the more irate Maxine became. It finally ended with her hanging up, leaving Janna in tears holding a silent phone to her ear.

The second incident occurred when a man refused to purchase an item in her shop and accused her of selling ordinary used furniture and calling it antiques. Again she became upset and defensive.

"Why," I asked, "are you taking all of this so personally?" Janna replied, "Because these attacks are directed at me. How else should I take it?"

I reminded her that the way to maintain balance is to become aware of when she is losing it. Taking every unpleasant comment to heart is a sure-fire way to lose balance.