Tightrope: More lessons in listening

— -- A couple of weeks ago I wrote about the importance of listening. I received dozens of e-mails from readers thanking me for the column. And I got a number of e-mails from entrepreneurs, authors, and business consultants adding to the things that I recommended.

One e-mail was from Joe Takash, consultant and author of Results Through Relationships: Building Trust, Performance and Profit Through People, who sent a few gems to share with you.

Joe says, "To be a superior listener, you must temporarily forsake ego. To reap the full relationship benefits of being a good listener, you're going to have to forget about YOU. Obviously, you do have an ego and you can't disappear entirely — nor should you; but being able to do so at key times in a conversation will increase your value to the other person."

Here are some of the things that Joe feels will help you gain listening wisdom.

1. Practice silence. Remaining quiet can be a challenge. You're going to feel compelled to interrupt, to finish sentences and to add your two cents. It takes discipline to remain silent. Make a conscious effort to say nothing until you're sure the speaker has finished his thought. This is easier written than done, so try practicing it at home first. With a spouse or a friend, force yourself to stay silent during a conversation until they're done speaking. In many ways, it's more difficult to do this with someone you know well, since conversations are often filled with frequent interruptions by both parties. By practicing silence in a personal relationship, though, you learn the discipline of knowing when to be silent in a professional one.

2. Eliminate distractions. If a business associate has communicated that he feels a meeting with you is important, shut the door, turn off your cellphone and don't glance at the computer for email. You want the other person to feel you've done everything possible to make 100% listening possible.

3. Show non-verbal attentiveness. We communicate most of our messages without opening our mouths. It's not enough just to listen attentively; you need to demonstrate this attentiveness. Three easy ways to do so are: nod; make eye contact; smile. Shifting uneasily in your seat or glancing around as if you're waiting for the police to arrest you are not ways to communicate your attentiveness. Impassive, immobile listeners seem bored. Use your eyes and body language to convey that you're not bored.