Tightrope: You don't have to choose between love, business

— -- Hi, Gladys,

I am a successful entrepreneur and have been for the past 18 years. I have never been married or in a truly committed relationship. I would love to find a decent guy. Usually when I meet someone we get along fine until he learns that I own a successful business. Thereafter the relationship starts to crumble.

I belong to a business and professional women's group and many of the successful women in the group have the same problem. Do I have to give up my business for love? Why can't we as women entrepreneurs have a successful business and a successful relationship at the same time? I'm sure you have heard about this problem before.

– A. N.

Yes, I have heard this complaint before. And, there are many ways of looking at possible solutions to this situation.

Recently I had dinner with a friend, whom I will call Sue. The owner a nutritional consulting company, she has been single for the past 10 years, following the death of her husband. Everytime we get together she comments on how lonely she is and how she wishes she could find a good man who wants to settle down.

Finally, I asked her why she hadn't found someone to her liking and she responded, "My business keeps me so busy I don't have the time to invest in the search for a relationship. Plus, every man I meet is either married, a loser or totally boring. And, when I meet someone that I like, he gets intimidated by my business success."

I told her that whether we believe it or not, people can feel where we are coming from before we hardly speak a word. I reminded her of the time that I went with her to buy a car. And as we looked under the hood and in the trunk, and got inside and sat behind the wheel, the car salesman gawked at us like we were idiots who knew nothing about buying a car. I reminded Sue how insulted she was and how she left that car dealer and purchased her car elsewhere.

We laughed as we recalled the event. I told Sue that the salesman never said anything derogatory or insulting to us but he made us feel uncomfortable. I went on to say that I felt certain that if I met a man who believed that all the women he met were either losers or totally boring, I would be able to feel his thoughts in the same way we felt the negative thoughts of the car salesman. Needless to say I would want nothing to do with that man.