Tightrope: Control your time to avoid that wound-up feeling

— -- Hello, Gladys, I need a few extra hours in the day — or better yet, how about an 8-day week? — to better serve my busy life. It seems like I have more to do than time allows. I am on my second marriage; I have three children of my own and two step-children all under 15. I am actively involved with several charitable organizations as well as my church. I own several day spas. And, because of the success and popularity of my spa businesses I have just opened a fourth. Can you shed some light on the best way to manage it all? — Y.C.

Time is precious; learn to be a bit more selfish with yours.

I notice that many people live like they believe that it's important to keep their datebooks filled to the brim.

I'm reminded of a retired couple I know. The woman had owned a travel company and the man had spent his working years as the chief financial officer of a midsize corporation.

One day while I visiting them, the phone rang. The man, whom I will call Jim, answered the phone. I heard him say to the caller, "Hold on while I check my calendar." Jim disappeared from the room and returned with his datebook. He picked the phone up and said, "Max, I would love to have lunch with you but I'm booked up until the end of next month and then I only have a window of about a week and the wife and I will be out of the country for a few weeks. Should I pencil you in for one of my available dates for next month?"

After he completed his call, I jokingly asked how he could have allowed himself to have such a tight schedule in his retirement. He said, "The only things on my calendar are a few medical appointments. But when people think that you have nothing to do they manage to find plenty of things to keep you busy. And many times it's things that they themselves don't want to do, so they pass it off on you."

Now, the message that I got from that was, my retired friend doesn't know how to say "no."

I was having lunch with my niece recently. She sells candles via home parties. I had finally agreed to consider having a candle party for her when she pulled out her appointment book. As she tried to pin me down to a date I noticed that each block on her appointment book appeared to be full. Thinking that I would be able to push the party idea into the far-off future, I told her that from the looks of her calendar she was booked for the balance of the year. She said, "Oh no Aunt G, these aren't appointments in my book. These are an assortment of many things, like grocery lists, to-do's, birthdays, anniversaries, quotes that I like or books and movies that I plan to watch. I put them on my calendar because my group leader at the candle company said you should always make it look like you have a full calendar."