Kate Gosselin: 'I Was Very Hard on Jon'

"Jon & Kate Plus 8" mom repents on "Her Story" after Jon seeks help from Rabbi.

October 30, 2009, 3:42 PM

Nov. 3, 2009 — -- Now it's Kate Gosselin's turn to repent.

One day after Jon Gosselin waxed apologetic about his behavior before Rabbi Shmuley Boteach and legions of press, fans and critics, his estranged wife went on TLC to tell "Her Story." The short version: She's sorry for treating Jon poorly and prays that one day, he'll return to his former, family-friendly habits.

"I was very hard on him and I would never deny that," Kate said on the Monday night TLC special. "I felt very much like a lot of weight rested on my shoulders."

"I was wrong to treat him that way," she added. "Was it good, healthy and wonderful? No. Am I proud of those moments that were captured? No."

"I still wake up every day, and I think the phone will ring," Kate said, choking back tears as she continued, "and it'll be the old Jon."

Though she's hurting, she's not wounded enough to step back from the spotlight.

"We can't turn life off ... I can't turn life off ... We're too far gone," Kate said. "Stepping out of the spotlight when it's prudent to do so is a good thing."

While she and Jon still speak, it's never about his girlfriend, Hailey Glassman, or any of his other rumored exploits.

"We do [talk] where it relates to the kids," Kate said. "As far as dating goes, I've never, ever broached the subject with him as far as anything I've ever read, seen or heard."

And as for those rumors about Kate hooking up with her bodyguard, Steve Neild, consider them baseless.

"[The rumor is] so unthinkable to me that to have to think about it makes me sick," she said.

Jon Apologizes Too

Meanwhile, Jon's also regretting his recent actions. Sunday night at New York City's Westside Synagogue, the "Jon & Kate Plus 8" dad told a crowd of press, fans and critics that he's cooling things off with his girlfriend.

"We decided not to take a break, just slow things down, until I get through my divorce and I know everything is settled and okay," Gosselin said. "I don't want another failure in my relationships. I don't want to make the same mistakes I made with Kate, with Hailey. I would just be repeating the pattern over again."

Gosselin added that he and Glassman, the daughter of Kate's plastic surgeon, "should never have gone to France" earlier this year.

"Half the stuff I've done, if I look at my moral compass, I shouldn't have done," Gosselin admitted. "I know that but I did it anyway. It's like fame canceled out conviction."

The reality TV star also apologized to his estranged wife.

"I want to apologize to Kate in private," he said. "I'll apologize to her for openly having relationships in the public eye. That was a huge mistake, because if she would've done that to me, I would have been extremely pissed off. Not because our relationship is over, it's almost like a stab in the back. And now that I think about it, it was a very wrong thing to do. I definitely regret it."

Gosselin's public mea culpa followed his announcement last week that he's seeking counseling from Boteach, an Orthodox rabbi known to counsel a number of celebrities including the late Michael Jackson. It also follows an avalanche of bad press for Gosselin, including his girlfriend's recent allegations that he throws "mantrums" and takes his anger out on her, and his estranged wife's seemingly never ending list of grievances.

Boteach: Gosselin Should Lay Off the Ladies

But Boteach believes Gosselin can be a better man.

"Jon and I have been studying together and speaking for a few weeks now," Boteach told ABCNews.com Friday. "And it is my strong opinion that he has to rediscover his moral convictions. He was not always an outlandish playboy, he was not always someone who fed the hungry paparazzi with scoreless stories of his out of control behavior. He was once a devoted father, a devoted husband, a religious man. A Christian man. He needs to rediscover his true self."

Part of that, according to Boteach, means not pursuing anything with a woman for the time being.

"Jon should not be in any relationship right now," he said. "He's still married. He may be on his way to divorce, but he's still married and you don't date when you're married. He needs to focus on his kids right now because they're in a lot of pain."

"I've never met Hailey Glassman," Boteach added. "But it is my strong opinion that Jon should not be in a relationship. I don't think this relationship is blessed at this juncture in both their lives."

The two men hail from different faiths (though Gosselin claimed to be "rediscovering his Jewish roots" earlier this fall), but they share much in common. Both boast a large brood (the Rabbi has nine children, Gosselin, of course, has eight), both burst into the public eye through TLC (Boteach hosts "Shalom in the Home") and both believe in taking advantage of fame.

"The celebrities who flourish in fame do so when they find a voice in the culture," Boteach said. "I'm trying to help him discover his deepest passion so he can live for something other than himself. Why shouldn't he use his fame for a righteous cause?"

That righteous cause might be becoming the new face for family values.

"He has to consecrate his fame to a cause larger than himself," the Rabbi said. "I said to him, 'Perhaps your calling is to highlight the beauties of babies and children. That coming home to children is better than staying late at work to impress your boss, to going out with your buddies.'"

Boteach said he's helping Gosselin because "the Jewish faith excels in creating strong families and creating strong communities." However, he doesn't believe Gosselin should join the Jewish religion, as the reality TV star hinted he might when he talked about celebrating Hanukah with Glassman.

"It is my firm belief that Jon as a religious Christian must find God within the Christian faith," Boteach said. "He could be a life redeemed if he seriously begins to change his actions."

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