Baby Makes Three: Dealing With Children in Your Relationship
A newborn can bring joy to a couple, but it can also usher in stress.
July 30, 2007 — -- The introduction of a new baby can be full of great joy. For millions of young couples, the arrival of a baby brings dramatic changes to their marriages.
But after the initial excitement, comes the loss of personal time and sleep.
"The reality is that your time, it's no longer your own," said Paul Kruglik. "You're definitely on the baby's schedule."
Paul and his wife of two years, Melinda, have a 5-month-old son, Parker. The couple always dreamed of having children. But, the baby brought bliss and blues.
"One day you're pregnant and everything's so great," Melinda said. "And the next day, everything's complete chaos."
While Melinda said she heard having a baby would alter her relationship, she didn't know how much.
"People can tell you that it's hard, and they can tell you that it's going to change your relationship, but [it's] not until you're doing it that you start to realize how true that is," she said.
"The euphoria's worn off, and your tiredness sets in. And so, right about 9 o'clock every night for a good week or two weeks, I would cry. And it was awful to feel that way."
Mothers aren't the only parents susceptible to this.
"Thirty percent of fathers have postpartum depression symptoms," said Relationship Research Institute executive director John Gottman. "Fifty [percent] to 80 percent of moms have symptoms of postpartum depression."
Gottman said many parents feel ashamed and embarrassed about their troubled feelings.
Celebrity mothers like Brooke Shields and Marie Osmond helped bring PPD to the forefront with their personal tales. Today, more couples are seeking help.
Gottman began the Bringing Baby Home workshop. The two-day course prepares a couple for how their relationship will change once a baby arrives. Its research shows the workshop cuts PPD rates from 67 percent to 23 percent.
"About two-thirds of couples had serious problems in the first three years of the baby's life, where their happiness with one another went down," said Gottman, who has researched relationships for 30 years. "Their hostility increased."
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