Mandy Moore opens up about the 'isolation' she's felt as a new mother
"I had these preconceived notions of myself going into motherhood."
Mandy Moore welcomed her first child in February, a son named August Harrison Goldsmith, aka Gus.
On Tuesday, the "This Is Us" star opened up about the anxiety and doubt she feels as a first-time mother.
Taking on Instagram Live with Dr. Ashurina Ream, Moore admitted that her idea of what motherhood was going to be like did not match what her experience.
"I had these preconceived notions of myself going into motherhood," she confessed. "Obviously, I knew it was going to be challenging, but I thought, 'Oh, maybe I have this natural maternal side.' Whatever the heck that means."
After giving birth to Gus, Moore revealed she was "hit with this wave of just not feeling good enough ... I just felt this rush of like, 'I'm not good enough for him. I don't know how to be his mom. I know how to feed him, but beyond that, am I suited for this?'"
She said that experiencing motherhood for the first time, especially amid the pandemic, has been "isolating" at times, which she said she wasn't "necessarily expecting."
"It's strange because you're with someone every day and every second, and you know, I'm very lucky, I have a very supportive partner -- my husband's been fantastic -- but it still is so strangely isolating," she said, mentioning her husband Taylor Goldsmith.
"I guess, when I imagined motherhood, I sort of imagined like, oh, you find community and there are classes, and you go to 'Mommy and Me' classes and baby classes," she continued.
She said that although that might be the experience for some first-time moms out there, it hasn't reflected her own experience.
"I don't know if it's something that I would feel necessarily the most comfortable with, at this point in time, just considering what we're kind of living through," she said. "So it's like having to reframe these expectations that you had about what it's like to be a mom and what it's like to connect with people."
Noting her husband had a "supernatural ability" to connect with their child, the actress confessed, "I just felt like whatever I did it just wasn't right, and I couldn't get him to sleep and it made me feel horrible."
She went on, "It was really scary and it makes me emotional to think about now. I still feel like I'm in it, but I'm finding my footing. I'm still learning. I know nothing, but I'm still here putting myself through the paces of just stopping and breathing through it."
Because of what she experienced, the 37-year-old actress said she understands why "women can feel lost in the shuffle" and stressed.
"Don't be afraid to reach out to your friends and family and see if they're available to be part of your village," she urged her followers.
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