Reality TV personality Whitney Port is opening up about a recent miscarriage.
Although a doctor was unable to confirm the miscarriage immediately, she learned through a subsequent blood test and ultrasound that the pregnancy was not viable.
"The amount of various emotions I felt in the past couple weeks have been extreme ... from shock to sadness to relief, which then led to guilt for feeling that relief," she wrote on Instagram. "My identity has been shaken in regards to who as a mom and human being. I’m currently in the process of learning to accept that my feelings are valid no matter what they are."
"Whether or not people feel the same way as me or not. They are my personal emotions that are the result from my own journey," she continued. "I welcome anyone to share their stories or feelings. I want my platform to be an open place where we can share difficult conversations."
Port, 34, and her husband, TV producer Tim Rosenman, married in 2015 and welcomed their son, Sonny, almost two years ago. Pregnancy was difficult for the reality TV star, and she has since been open about struggling with the idea of whether to have a second child. Getting pregnant for the second time was not planned, she said in a YouTube conversation with Rosenman, but the couple agreed that they were prepared to love and care for another baby.
"I am so grateful for my life right now but I did feel professionally like I was in one of the busiest times of my life and I felt like this timing was really terrible to be pregnant," she told Rosenman. "There was part of me when we were in limbo that was like, 'If this isn't going to happen I think I'm OK with it.'"
Upon her return to her hometown of Los Angeles, Port visited her doctor who said she could choose to let the miscarriage complete itself naturally, take a pill to induce the miscarriage, or undergo a dilation and curettage. Port chose the D&C, which according to the Mayo Clinic, is a procedure in which a physician removes tissue from the uterus.
"I didn't want to be in any pain, I didn't want to be on my own, I didn't want to visually see the blood," she said. "I feel like I did the right thing for myself."
Now, she and Rosenman are recovering emotionally from the ordeal and trying to sort out when they'll try again.
"I still feel a little bit unsettled," Port admitted. "I want to give Sonny a second kid but in my heart and my gut right now it does not feel ready."