Advice for Caregivers Helping Aging Parents

April 6, 2006 — -- Of the estimated 44.4 million people who are caregivers to their parents, one in three report feeling overwhelmed, according to Terry Hargrave, a family therapist and author of "Loving Your Parents When They Can No Longer Love You."

To deal with this stress, Hargrave offered the following tips for caregivers and their families.

Talk Early and Often
Families -- parents, siblings and you -- should try to prepare for the future. Negotiate who is responsible for the physical care of the parent, how the finances will be handled, what the living situation will be. Families need to face reality. The situation is not going to get better and parents will need more and more care. Decisions about that care need to be made before that happens.

Select One Primary Caregiver
The caregiver has to have the power to make things happen without having to contact everyone else so selecting one person is more efficient. The primary caregiver must be able to make those medical, financial and administrative decisions as they come up, without worrying about a sibling rebellion. Remember there's a difference between informing siblings of a decision and allowing comment on what should be done.

Support the Caregiver
Many caregivers feel they are in it alone. The families of caregivers must provide constant support, which is more than giving them a weekend off. Just calling and checking in on how they're holding up makes a big difference.

Establish Boundaries
Everyone must understand the nature of care giving -- some problems will not be solved. If the caregiver really needs to take a nap, which means the parent won't have her hair brushed just the way she likes it, that's OK. Caregivers have their own families, their own children, their own lives, so if they need help to attend to other obligations, it should be provided.