Many Moms Battle Grandma Over Spoiled Kids

Aug. 12 -- When Karen Brokhultz brought her new baby home from the hospital, she was happy to have her own mother on hand to help out. But it didn't take much unsolicited advice from mom to change Brokhultz's mood for the worse.

"My mom thought she was helping me by staying with me after I got home from the hospital," Brokhultz recalled. "But I took a lot of her advice as criticism."

When Brokhultz, 37, of Brookeville, Md., shared her feelings with her 60-year-old mother, Donna Young, there were tears. But in the end, they reached an understanding.

"I took advice from my friends who said not to say anything unless the baby's life was in danger," Young said.

Their experience appears a common one for women of Brokhultz's age.

According to a BabyTalk magazine survey of nearly 22,000 mothers, while 83 percent completely trust their mothers with their own children, and 80 percent talk to or see their mom at least once a week, Gen X women are less welcoming of advice from baby boomer moms.

Two-thirds of those respondents said that they butted heads on occasion, and 13 percent of the respondents said they "fought" with their mothers.

Spoiling Is Top Annoyance

What rattles new moms the most when their moms are around?

Beyond disagreements over babies' eating and sleeping habits, about 70 percent of women said the biggest conflict of all was over spoiling. Offending grandmothers barrage children with gifts and allowed them to eat snacks and foods their mothers forbid, and to break house rules.

"The spoiling issue drove the mothers crazy, as did the punishment and discipline issue, which I think is related," said Susan Kane, editor-in-chief of BabyTalk. "It makes it tough for the mothers."

Kane says the current generation of grandmothers often worked as they raised kids, so now make up for lost time by lavishing their grandchildren with affection and attention.

But their own upbringing had a different impact on the mothers. "These mothers missed their own mothers being at home, and they think their own children should be raised the same way they were, without so much spoiling," Kane said.