I've Been Living With My Boyfriend For Eight Years. How Long Should I Have To Wait Before We Get Married?
Dr. Kingsberg answers the question: 'Eight Years Without a Marriage Proposal?'
April 2, 2009 -- Question: I've been living with my boyfriend for eight years. We are both well past our mid-twenties, but he's shown no signs of being interested in taking our relationship to the next step by getting married. When I try to bring up the subject he says he's not financially ready and that I'm pressuring him, and the argument ends. I don't expect a big ring or a big wedding, I just want to move our relationship to the next logical step. Is it just wishful thinking on my part that he will propose one day? How long do I wait?
Answer: It may be wishful thinking that your boyfriend will propose. We don't know that. You need to ask yourself some questions about what your goals are and whether he satisfies enough of your needs for you to continue in the relationship as it is now and wait. If you are at a point in your life where the primary goal for you is to commit and be married and perhaps start a family, then you may really need to think, is this worth it?
And if it isn't, then you need to think about setting your own limits and your own time frame instead of just waiting on his. Unfortunately, sometimes even love isn't enough to bridge the incompatibility of people's world views and life goals.
So, the two of you really need to sit down and not argue about it, but really have a frank discussion about where you see your futures going, not just together, but in the bigger picture about values and life goals.
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