Book excerpt: Claire Shipman, Katty Kay's 'The Confidence Code For Girls'

Excerpted from 'The Confidence Code For Girls' by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman. Courtesy of HarperCollins Publishers.

What is confidence, anyway?

Well, here’s the basic, scientific definition: Confidence is what turns our thoughts into action</b>.

You can also think of it like a math formula: Thoughts + Confidence = Action

Or picture a chemistry set, with thoughts in one beaker and confidence in another. Combine them and, POOF! You get exciting, explosive action.

Confidence is what you use to help you do anything that seems hard, scary, or impossible. We’re not necessarily talking about extreme actions like jumping off a cliff. (Or maybe we are, as long as you have a hang glider or parachute!) Confidence is what gives you a boost for everyday challenges as well.

Imagine Confidence as a tiny, powerful coach inside your mind helping you do all the things you want to do. “I know you’re thinking you can’t put your hand up in class today, but come on, I’ve seen you do it a million times before. Ignore those nerves and just throw your hand up there. You can do it.”

Confidence Quiz

Which of these actions requires confidence?

1. Eve has a best friend, Hannah, and they’re practically twins. When they’re hanging out together, they always just get each other. But then one day Hannah says something a little mean about Eve’s new haircut. Eve feels betrayed, but she doesn’t want to tell Hannah she’s upset because she’s afraid of feeling awkward about it. Still, she goes ahead and brings it up with her and is honest about how she’s been feeling.

2. Cate’s a fantastic math student. She’s always loved numbers—they just make sense to her. She works hard at math and flies through the homework. Her teacher tells her that she would absolutely make the mathletes team if she wanted to. She tries out, and it’s a dream come true—wall-to-wall math problems!

3. Isabella knows every part of "Beauty and the Beast," the upcoming school musical, by heart. She loves to sing, but she’s never been in a show before and lots of the other kids have. She’s also not sure about her voice because she’s never really practiced. And the auditions are in front of all those other kids who want a part, too. Still, she pushes herself to try out! …But the audition is just as hideously embarrassing as she expected.

Answers: Let’s Break It Down

If you answered #1, #3, or both, you’re TOTALLY right. The girl who talked to her friend and the girl who tried out for the play did something that clearly required confidence. Number 2 required a bit of confidence, too, but not as much.

1. Eve did a hard thing in talking to Hannah, who was upset for about an hour after Eve confessed her feelings. They both learned to be more honest with each other and sensitive about what they say in the future.

2. Cate tried out and made the mathletes, but she didn’t do something that hard, did she? She basically kept doing something she’s already good at doing. Let’s see her take on a more challenging activity. That would require more confidence.

3. Isabella really stretched herself when she tried out. She didn’t make it, and was bummed, but she realized afterward that she still wanted to be in a musical. She plans to prepare for the next audition differently. For one thing, she’s going to start training her voice so that, when she’s nervous, it doesn’t get thin and wavering. Lots of people didn’t make it, and their lives aren’t over. The important thing? She took a risk and took action.

The essential idea in all of these stories is ACTION. Think verbs and action words:

Jumping off a high diving board

Talking to a neighbor about babysitting

Trying a new sport, like Kayla did

Try something, do something, make something, join something, say something, be something. Get the picture?

Confidence is __________________. (Fill in your action word here—unless this is a library book, or e-book, in which case make a list on paper or in your phone!)

Girls of Action have the most exciting lives ever. Why? Think about it: You can sit there and worry and watch things happening out in the world. Or you can jump in and be part of the fun, creating adventures and success by exploring and doing.

You want to try out for a team, even if you’re not so sure how good you are? Confidence will give you a boost. You want to write a blog and tell the whole world what you think, even though you worry you don’t have interesting thoughts? Confidence is key for that, too. You want to be yourself, even if that self is totally different from all the other kids? Confidence makes it happen. You want to dye your hair or shave your head, skip dresses and wear what you want? Confidence... well, you know the rest.