Aiding Elders: When Care Skips a Generation

June 25, 2007— -- Growing up, Ray Payton, like many people, was especially fond of her grandparents.

As a young child, when visiting their Arlington, Va., home, she would hide under the dining room table, one of her favorite spots. Admittedly a tomboy, Payton would play with toy trucks given to her by her grandfather, Dowell Tillman.

Payton's mother died when Payton was in her 20s, and so her grandparents were more like parents to the only daughter of their only daughter.

But as Payton grew, even by the age of 12, she knew the day would come when she would be called upon to take care of them. That day is now here.

"I reflect on how my grandparents brought me up, what they sacrificed for me," Payton said. "They gave up things for me when I was a baby, and they gave things when I was going to school, and now it's my time to show them that they taught me well."

According to USA Today, Payton, who is 38-years-old, is one of the millions of Americans caring for elderly family members, working through the financial burden and emotional hardship that such a task requires.

Dowell Tillman, who turns 94 next month, is now blind from glaucoma. Payton's grandmother, Vidalia Tillman, is 90 years old and suffers from dementia. The couple has been married for 70 years.

Despite their deteriorating conditions, Payton made the difficult decision to maintain their care in the same Virginia home where the couple lived for 54 years. Keeping them there, she said, is the only option.

"[I] think if I lost the house, it would kill them. They built this house. I don't want to give it up because this is my family home," she explained. "They came up with two trunks and a little girl -- my mom. They built this house, they saved, they worked. My grandfather and my grandmother pretty much had two or three jobs all the time."

Payton's father also died when she was in her 20s. As the conditions of her grandparents and their home began to worsen, and as she began to shoulder more and more of their care, she briefly considered moving them into an assisted living community.