'Frustrated' Stacy Lewis in search of comfort zone

— -- RANCHO MIRAGE, Calif. -- Stacy Lewis had to gather herself for a moment Wednesday. It could have been the questions about perfection, her current stress level as an almost-married woman or possibly "What's really wrong with Stacy Lewis?" that got to her.

More than likely, it was a little bit of everything that caused the intensely private Lewis to open up and take stock of her career and her life.

The thoughts that flood the 31-year-old's head today as she prepares for the first major of the year are complicated and in many ways beyond her control. As a result, the No. 4-ranked player in the LPGA world rankings looked Wednesday as if she needed a hug, and looks on most days as if she would rather be anywhere else than on the golf course.

"Honestly right now, I'm just a little frustrated," Lewis said on the eve of the ANA Inspiration at Mission Hills Country Club.

The No. 1 player in the world in 2013 for four weeks, and again in 2014 for 21 weeks, Lewis won this tournament -- then known as the Kraft Nabisco -- in 2011, but hasn't won a major since the Women's British Open in '13, and hasn't captured a tour title since June 2014.

And despite the 13 runner-up finishes since then (including the 2015 ANA Inspiration and six in all last year), and top-10 spots in such statistical categories as driving accuracy (third), greens and regulation (fourth), and scoring average and birdies (eighth), what weighs on her is the knowledge that her "best ball-striking" in six months these last several weeks have not been reflected in scores and finishes.

"I think it's just because of the expectations I've already set," she said. "It's because of the things I've accomplished that you set [them] and sometimes you need to put them in perspective and that's what I'm trying to do. ...

"I'm trying to enjoy it out there a little bit more. I'm trying to find the things that make me happy out there. That's really what I'm trying to do right now because honestly, the golf is there."

Lewis is engaged to University of Houston women's golf coach Gerrod Chadwell, and their wedding is scheduled after the Olympics in August. If that's not enough stress, the good kind or not, there was a recent move back to Houston (her third move in three years) and the ever-present thought in the back of her head about the Zika virus, a worry with which many Rio-bound women of childbearing age must contend.

But more than anything, Lewis revealed, is a common desire to be everything for everyone. To make the right decisions about cutting back on her tournament schedule and obligations to spend more time with her fiancé. About doing all of this and, oh yes, also play professional golf at the highest level.

"I'm the kind of person, whatever I'm doing, I want to give it 100 percent," she said. "So I want to give 100 percent to my fiancé and our marriage. I want to give 100 percent to my golf. And I want to give 100 percent to my sponsors. And when I can't do that, when you're giving less to those people, that hurts those relationships. So finding the balance of how many tournaments do you play in, how many sponsors do you have and still have time for my relationship with my fiancé. ...

"He's made sacrifices for me and I need to make some sacrifices for him, and if I play two or three less tournaments a year, big deal. Then I'm going to be happier, more engaged with my sponsors, sponsors of the tournament and I know I'm going to be a happier person that way. And when I'm happier, I can give 100 percent. That's what I'm searching for right now."

She calls these realizations "a little bit of a shock." And she says at 23, she was not looking for the same things, for a relationship like she has now. "But maybe in the last few years it's something that's been missing," she said. "So then you finally find it and now it's, 'How do I do everything?' "

As the top-ranked player in the world, she fought valiantly against her natural introspective instincts to fulfill all of the outside obligations required of that position -- multiplied several times by the fact that she's American and the tour desperately needs to engage the American public.

But one thing Lewis has never shied away from is sticking to her well-defined principles. That has included resisting the over-glamorization of women golfers to appease sponsors and, ostensibly, the public.

"That's me," she said. "My parents taught me to have an opinion. There are things I stand for and things I believe, and there has been good stuff that has come out of it. There has been change. There are things the tour has done differently because I've told them it's beyond what they should expect of us. As a top player, it's your responsibility to stand up for things you believe in and things you think need to change. That's part of your job."

Lewis offered as an example the LPGA tour events in Asia in which players are traditionally featured in themed fashion shoots.

"I just don't believe in that," Lewis said. "You're showing women the wrong way when you do that, when you go and make them look pretty instead of hey, we're good golfers, not just a pretty face. They're counteracting that. So I've stood my ground and I've never done those for that reason. There are things I believe in."

Last year during this tournament, when top-ranked player Lexi Thompson was featured on the cover of Golf Digest with only a towel covering the top half of her body, Lewis did not approve but handled it diplomatically as usual. Under consideration for the cover, she opted instead to be clothed in her usual workout gear, a photo that appeared inside the issue.

"I like Lexi a lot. And I like her as a person," Lewis said. "She's made some mistakes, but I think they've also done some really good things and I think she's finally maturing into this person and into this brand. When she was younger, you could tell they were kind of searching for stuff, trying to figure out where she wanted to go. But now it's like she has a message she wants to send.

"The cover was to each his own. I would never do that, but there are some players who would."

Lewis admits she envies the youngsters on tour like Lydia Ko, the 18-year-old golf prodigy and No. 1-ranked player in the world, and the "fearless" nature with which they play.

"Yani [Tseng] and I talked about it. When we were both No. 1, you could do no wrong," Lewis said. "You didn't worry about missing a four-footer or running it four feet by because you're going to make that four-footer.

"Doubt creeps in and you go through these cycles. But I feel like I'm trending on the up. I feel like it's still in there. I feel like I can get back to that mindset, and that's really where I need to get to [in order] to win tournaments."

Many of Lewis' runner-up or third-place finishes have simply been a case of her opponents playing unbeatable golf, like when Sei Young Kim fired a final-round 10-under 62 in Phoenix two weeks ago to match Annika Sorenstam's LPGA scoring record of 27 under and easily out-distance the pack. The group included Lewis, who started the day tied with Kim.

Golf Channel analyst Judy Rankin said she empathizes with Lewis.

"I think at some point, she can't help but win, and maybe win by a wide margin because she is certainly playing well," Rankin said. "If there's anything that's not right, it's not serious enough to keep her from winning.

"This is a funny thing that happens in sports. Momentum can go the wrong direction. I feel for her a little bit because I think she's really, really making an effort to do all the right things. Not only is she in this little downturn with winning and only with winning, but there are so many people playing so well that it makes it even that little bit harder."

Almost, but not quite, as hard as battling life's common stressors and trying not to think "about the next thing instead of being 100 percent where I need to be."

"That's what I've been trying to work on the last couple weeks," Lewis said, "and that's going to be the goal this week."