FUNNIES: Bush Behind Cheney ... Way Behind -- 2/19/06

A roundup of the late-night comics.

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno

Leno: And today, President Bush says he is standing behind the vice president, way behind him.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Kimmel: Dick Cheney sitting down for a one-on-one interview with Fox News is like Mrs. Butterworth sitting down with the Pancake Channel.

The Daily Show

Jon Stewart: A very unfortunate situation, how is the vice president handling it?

Rob Corddry: Jon, tonight the vice president is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Whittington. Now, according to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail hidden in the brush. And while the quail turned out to be a 78-year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. In a post-9/11 world the American people, the American people expect their leaders to be decisive. To not have shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Kimmel: I read kind of a sad study today. It said that single women -- I don't want to bum you out -- … but, single women, over the age of 35, are more likely to be shot by the vice president than to find a husband.

The Tonight Show

Leno: Oh man, what a nightmare I had last night. Kev, I had a nightmare.

Kevin Eubanks: Really, what's up, man?

Leno: Oh, man, I dreamed I was at a Washington party, I had to choose between Dick Cheney taking me on a hunting trip or Ted Kennedy driving me home. It was a nightmare.

The Late Late Show Craig Ferguson: You can understand why this lawyer fellow let his guard down … because you're out hunting with a politician you think, "Now if I'm going to get it, it's going to be in the back."

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Kimmel: This is all part of the Bush administration's new Social Security plan. Once you hit 78, you're gone.

The Tonight Show

Leno: It turns out that Cheney and his gang of guys, they weren't even walking through the woods hunting. It's not hunting like you and I know hunting. Did you hear about this? They're in a car, they were in a car, they drive along. They get out of the car, shoots his friend in the face. Then they get back in the car and they go hide for 18 hours. That's not hunting, OK? That's an episode of the Sopranos.