FUNNIES: Govt. Spends Like Kevin Federline -- 3.19.06

March 19, 2006 — -- A roundup of the late-night comics.

Jay Leno: We're coming up to the third anniversary of the invasion of Iraq. I'm not sure how Bush is going to mark the occasion. I think we could rule out landing on an aircraft carrier and declaring "mission accomplished." I don't think we're going to do that.

Stephen Colbert: You heard me right. I'm happy to announce at 11:37 pm Eastern Standard Time, "The Colbert Report" is ready to project that the winner of the next war will be Iran.

Kimmel: Congress has approved a new ceiling for the national debt. They had to because the current national debt was starting to go so high it was going to go past the legal limit, so they just raised it. Our new limit is $9 trillion. … It works out to about $30,000 of debt for every single American, even kids. In other words, the government has borrowed $30,000 from each of us and blew it all on Hummers and grenade launchers. It's like we're all married to Kevin Federline.

Jon Stewart: You can imagine the kind of passion a call for censure stirred in the Republican Senate leadership. As for the Democrats, they quickly backed up their compatriot, Sen. Feingold. … No? Anybody? Obama? Kerry? Nothing? Kennedy? Nobody? … There was such little passion during the censure debate that the presiding officer of the Senate, Richard Burr of North Carolina, caught up on autographing his head shots. What?!?

Leno: And Saddam Hussein took the witness stand for the first time in his trial this week. He spent most of the testimony ignoring the evidence, insisting that he was the real president of Iraq. Legal experts call this "the Al Gore strategy."