FUNNIES: Al-Zarqawi's 'Not-So-Safe House'

A roundup of the late-night comics.

The Tonight Show

Jay Leno: Here's something I learned today. You know what the last thing that went through Zarqawi's mind was? A 500-pound bomb.

Late Night

Conan O'Brien: According to the military, this is true, they got al-Zarqawi while he was hiding in his safe house. Yeah. As a result, it's been renamed the not-so-safe house.

Late Show

David Letterman: Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was the world's most unhinged lunatic. He is now dead. So that moves Ann Coulter up to first place.

The Tonight Show

Leno: Did you see what happened? This weekend a person was caught trying to jump over the White House fence after throwing a package over it. Turns out it was just Hillary Clinton with carpet samples. But it was scary, scary for a minute there.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Kimmel: The president is also focused now on border security, especially gay border security. He was down in New Mexico to explain his plans, which were perfectly logical to at least one person in attendance.

President Bush [giving speech]: Therefore, I've decided to work with our state governors, Republicans and Democrats, to move 6,000 National Guard troops on the border to help the current border patrol do the job until the new agents are trained. That makes sense to me doesn't it?

Kimmel: I don't know.

The Tonight Show

Leno: As you know, President Bush calling for a constitutional amendment against gay marriage. He said he wants to put both al Qaeda and IKEA out of business, ladies and gentleman.