You Asked, We Answered: Why Kids Want to Harm Others

Apr. 3, 2008— -- What drives children to dream up especially violent acts? How should they be punished? What are the warning signs of a child plotting a violent crime? You submitted your questions to the two child psychologists who appeared in Wednesday's report about a group of third graders who plotted to harm their teacher. You can watch that video here.

Dr. William S. Pollack is the director of the Centers for Men and Young Men at McLean Hospital, a teaching affiliate of Harvard Medical School; and an assistant clinical professor (Psychology), department of psychiatry, Harvard Medical School. In addition to his other books, he is the co-author of the "Threat Assessment Guide," which is about managing threats of school violence and creating safe school climates, published by the federal initiative for safe schools.

Dr. Jeffrey Kassinove specializes in the treatment of child and adolescent psychological problems. As a former university scholar, he has published and presented extensively on the treatment of anger, addictive behaviors and school related problems. For more information about Dr. Kassinove, visit www.nypsychological.com.

Anonymous First Grade Teacher from Chicago, Illinois, asked: "How should a teacher handle a parent of a student who swears and threatens the teacher frequently? This student is failing across all academic areas and mom refuses to accept possible retention in first grade accusing teacher of failing student intentionally.Present solution by teacher: Teacher presently locks classroom door all the time in case mother comes into school and attempts to come near the teacher to restart verbal threats. Other teachers have had to intervene to stop parent from escalating to possible physical attacks twice in past two weeks."

Dr. Pollack responded: Dear First Grade Teacher: This is a terrible situation, not only for you, but for everyone else involved. Obviously, something is very wrong. The administration of the school needs to support you or some other responsible adult in safely communicating with the parent whom you describe. If that does not allow the parent to act in a more reasonable manner, then you and the school administrators must have the support of the entire school administration in helping that parent to get whatever mental health assistance the parent may require in order to communicate their genuine concern in a more reasonable and less-threatening fashion. While the present situation certainly affects you very negatively, it also creates a school climate where people feel they need to live in fear. Although my hunch is that the parent needs "help," this still cannot be allowed to continue day after day or not only will you and the other teachers feel unsupported; but the other students and that particular student will become confused about their own sense of safety. You need to reach a situation where you no longer are locking yourself in but providing a safe climate where teaching can occur. You cannot do this alone; you need the support of your principal and upper administration, not in a punitive manner but in an authoritative one to make clear that your classroom and school must become and remain a safe place.

Jim from Reno, Nev., asked: "How do I deal with my child, who is a compulsive liar? Just today, I caught her forging her teachers signatures in her homework planner. We just can't seem to get her to understand that she is being disrespectful to herself. Also, we have tried multiple types of discipline: writing letters of apology, extra chores, no TV, no phone, timeouts, etc. etc. We are almost to the point of pulling our hair out.Please help. If you have any ideas , we would be most grateful."

Dr. Kassinove responded: Many children lie. In fact, there is a lot of research to state that it is normal to "white lie." However, when it becomes severe we need to intervene. It is very important that parents are consistent. When I hear that parents have tried different things and that they haven't worked, it may be that the techniques haven't been put into place long enough. I have often had parents tell me they tried everything and nothing works. They report that their child says, "I don't care if you take away my things!" The reality is that they do care and that they are attempting to control you by stating the opposite. Find out what is reinforcing to your child (e.g., cell phone use, TV, computer, spending time with friends, staying up late) and use it to increase honesty. These items are privileges, and they should be granted contingent upon good behavior. In addition, if she tells you she was dishonest for a past event before an authority tells you, lessen the consequence (e.g., so instead of two days without the computer make it only for one day). Reinforce her for honesty and openness. Another thought, is for you as parents to look at how you respond when she does the dishonest act. Do you yell? Chastise her? Or, calmly set a consequence? It is always important to love your child no matter what. You don't have to love her behaviors.