How to Deal with the Jerk on the Cell Phone

March 12, 2005 — -- With some 1½ billion cell phone users worldwide, the likelihood of being bombarded in public by loud talk or an annoying ring during a performance has become all too common; so much so that experts say cell phones and their users are redefining the rules of our social space. So, "20/20" set out to get some tips on dealing with aggravating cell phone noise.

What's more, research now shows that cell phones have altered the way we communicate with others in the manner we all have learned in infancy.

Nowadays, users look deep into their companion's eyes, but are really focused on the person on the cell phone. You see people doing it while on the street, in the parks, restaurants, everywhere: laughing, gesturing, making faces, not to the person they are with, but to the one on the phone, while ignoring everything else around. And there's a catchy new phrase to describe it, "absent presence."

"Our minds are somewhere else. They're absent, but we're physically present. And it kind of disturbs the way the people around the cell phone user looks at that cell phone user," according to James Katz, a communications professor at Rutgers University.

The companion of the cell phone user can feel dejected, lonely and ignored. "Oftentimes in couples or groups, when one member gets a cell phone call, the expression on the other people's faces tends to droop. And the cell phone user's mind is elsewhere. "It's as if a barrier or a wall or even a glass plate is erected between us and other people," Katz said.

One British study indicates that when we hear a person on a cell phone we are annoyed because our brains are trained to complete conversations, and since we only overhear half of what's being said, we become frustrated and irritated.

Etiquette experts told "20/20" that the answer may be in learning how to be more courteous while on a cell phone and politely assertive with noisy cell phone users.

The phone industry itself recognizes the problem. Jacqueline Whitmore conducts seminars for sprint and other corporate executives, teaching them the cell phone equivalent of which fork to use at a fancy dinner. Whitmore says the first rule of thumb is that the person you are with takes precedence over any cell phone caller. Hang up as soon as you can. And above all, she says, don't treat your little phone as if it's a tin can with wires.