Jon Gosselin needs a new game plan.
The same day TLC unceremoniously announced that the least likely candidate for father of the year would be dropped from "Jon and Kate Plus 8," allowing the network to rebrand the ratings-sagging reality TV series as "Kate Plus 8," Gosselin filed papers to "put the brakes" on his divorce, or at least stall the dissolution of his marriage for 90 days.
"This will enable Kate and me to restore our relationship as cooperative parents and to open up our lines of communication," Gosselin said in a statement to In Touch magazine Sept. 29.
But apparently his estranged wife doesn't need to communicate with him beyond bickering through the media. According to Radar Online, she rejected Gosselin's request to delay the divorce, saying he just wants more publicity, not another ride on the marriage-go-round.
Even TLC weighed in with a sharp reprimand to Jon.
"We are aware of Jon Gosselin's recent statements, and remain deeply disappointed at his continued erratic behavior," the network said in a statement sent to ABCNews.com. "He and the family were shooting as recently as last Friday, without incident, and his latest comments are grossly inaccurate, without merit and are clearly opportunistic. Despite Jon Gosselin's repeated self-destructive and unprofessional actions, he remains under an exclusive contract with TLC. Direct filming of the children has been currently suspended, pending further conversations between both parents."
Defending himself on CNN's "Larry King Live" Thursday night, Jon Gosselin said, "I don't think it's healthy for them [the children], and the reason I don't think it's healthy for them is that we're going through a divorce right now. And I don't think it should be televised, and I think my kids should be taken off the show."
So what now? Gosselin lost a high-paying gig and a second chance with the mother of his kids in one fell swoop. It's time to explore some other options. Below, 10 tongue-in-cheek-life-and-career moves Gosselin might consider now that he's hard up for change:
1. Tell all to Oprah Winfrey; attempt to pull a Dr. Phil. If Gosselin tears up enough about his divorce and subsequent philandering on "The Oprah Winfrey Show," she just might grant him his own platform to pontificate to fellow divorced dads. His tagline: "Just remember dudes, I've got more kids than you."
2. Launch a fashion line. Papa's got a brand new ... diaper bag? Gosselin could merge his affinity for Christian Audigier's Ed Hardy T-shirts with the baby accessory he has toted countless times before. Voila -- a crystal-studded, graffiti-claded carrying case for all things infant, perfect for the newly single dad on the prowl.
10 Tips for Jon Gosselin
3. Start a new series, "Jon Plus 1." The perfect way to compete with Kate, Gosselin could hire a camera crew to chronicle his blossoming romance with Hailey Glassman, who, according to Star magazine, just got a breast augmentation to compete with all the honeys after her man's heart.
4. And, if that doesn't work, start another show: "Jon Wants 1." Because plastic surgery is always an indication of a relationship heading down the right track -- if that relationship is incubating perhaps in a setting like Hugh Hefner's Playboy Mansion -- Gosselin could corral a bevy of beauties to compete for his affection if things don't work out with Glassman and, obviously, broadcast the whole hot-tub fest on television.
5. Become a New York man about town. Gosselin has that new apartment on Manhattan's tony Upper West Side. He ought to use it. Host a cocktail party for New York's movers and shakers, and when they fail to show call up "The Real Housewives of New York." Gosselin's already hung out with cast member Jill Zarin in the Hamptons, so maybe the ladies will reel him into their drama.
6. Publish a picture book about divorce. Not for children but for men who have the maturity level of 17-year-olds and can appreciate stick-figure renderings of new girlfriends with melon-sized (augmented) breasts.
7. Angle to be an "American Idol" guest judge. Sure, Ellen DeGeneres officially took over Paula Abdul's vacated seat, but maybe Gosselin could sub for Simon Cowell if the uber-critical evaluator is ever feeling under the weather. Remember when Gosselin told "Good Morning America" that he despised Kate? That's the kind of vitriol Cowell could get behind.
10 Tips for Jon Gosselin
8. Do a do-over overseas. Gosselin could make like a maligned pop act and try reinventing himself as a star in Britain, Belgium, maybe even Japan. Different cultures have different tastes. While he's trashed in the United States, he could rise to Brad Pitt-status in another nation.
9. Consult for VH1's "Tool Academy." Watch a clip of the show. No further explanation necessary.
10. Hit the big screen and revive the buddy comedy with his real-life pal and fellow famous divorcee, Michael Lohan. Remember "Dumb and Dumber?" Like that, but with Ed Hardy T-shirts instead of pastel-colored prom suits.