It's so unlike me to toot my own horn. (Yeah … and Liza and David have a healthy sex life!) I have to say, though, in my recent analysis of the Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton marriage, I was right on the money.
Only three short weeks ago I came to you with (and I'm paraphrasing myself), "I don't give it long. They've gone in different directions regarding their lifestyles. She's a mom and he's a skirt-chasing party animal."
That's just what Angelina said (paraphrasing again) in the recent issue of Us Weekly. OK, so it's not rocket science, but I didn't see it written anywhere else.
Not convinced I'm a media guru with my finger on the very pulse of all that's impure and unholy in entertainment? How about my assessments of Julia Roberts and her rancid behavior in the romance department? I heard from oodles of you — yes, more than three makes an "oodle" — and clearly many folks were thinking the same thing.
Thanks, And I Don’t Look Like Angela Lansbury
I received hundreds of "You hit the nail right on the head" e-mails. Others: "I thought I was the only one who didn't like her." Some were awfully nasty, saying I was wrong about two things: Julia being a great actress and being beautiful. Some said she's neither.
There was a small margin of you who called me names and told me to mind my own beeswax. I was expecting that, so I don't take issue. Still, the guy who said my picture looked like Angela Lansbury was hitting below the belt.
But hey, I swallow hard, wipe the tears away and move on.
So now I ask you in all my finite wisdom to observe as I dissect and predict the outcome of this year's 54th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards.
Where's the Cast of CSI?
To start with, I've got to go right for the jugular of the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences and squeeze tightly. For the life of me, I can't understand how they do their voting.
Based on the scattered nominations announced last week, I think there are two possible scenarios. One, the academy voters all went to a party and ate a crazy batch of hash brownies. Or two, the ballots were multiple choice and everyone colored them so they made a nifty pattern on the nomination sheets. What I'm trying to stress here is that the nominations don't make sense.
Walk with me …
Last year, Allison Janney of The West Wing won best supporting actress in a drama. This year she's nominated in the best actress category. She did have more scenes this past season, but it'd be very peculiar for her to win again for the same role, but in a different category. Of course, it'd be one of those "history-making" things. (Like Michael Jackson winning a best pop male Grammy one year and a best pop female the next. Relax. It's just an analogy.)
Rob Lowe, also from Wing, was nominated last year in the best actor category alongside the winner, Martin Sheen. This year, Lowe isn't nominated at all. As a matter of fact, he's the ONLY regular West Wing cast member who isn't nominated. I mean the only one.
Dule Hill, Richard Schiff, John Spencer and Bradley Whitford are all nominated in the supporting category. Sheen has another best actor nomination. All the women — including Janel Moloney, Stockard Channing and Mary-Louise Parker — are nominated for their supporting roles, and Janney has the best actress nomination, as I mentioned.
Even guest stars Ron Silver, Mark Harmon and Tim Matheson picked up nominations. How can Lowe go from deserving best actor nomination status to being the sole cast member not worthy of any nomination? Did he steal Aaron Sorkin's magic mushrooms?
It's plain old loco!
Six Feet Under gets 23 nominations. Every significant cast member gets a nod as well. Absolutely deserving … bravo, kudos, here, here! Here me now: This is going to pick up the best drama award and best actor for Peter Krause and best actress for Rachel Griffiths. This makes sense!
How can CSI: Crime Scene Investigation get nominated as the best drama series and not one of its stars gets nominated for acting? How can it be one of the best shows on television if none of its major elements are worthy of recognition? It did garner a nomination for outstanding single camera sound mixing or something, but that's not nice. Is it me, or are the academy voters a few inches short of the curb?!
Will Brad and Jennifer Share a Feel-Good Emmy Moment?
Now, riddle me this, column readers — Matthew Perry and Matt LeBlanc pick up nominations for best actor in a comedy series and Jennifer Aniston picks up a best actress nod? Is this not an ensemble cast? Do we really think Perry and LeBlanc fall into the same comedic genre as Kelsey Grammer, Ray Romano and Bernie Mac, who all have their own shows?
Is Aniston worthy of sitting next to Sarah Jessica Parker, Jane Kaczmarek, Debra Messing (OK, she definitely rivals Messing) and Patricia Heaton? These women are the lead actresses in their respective series and they really carry the comedy ball. (Perhaps to be PC, I should call it the comedy ovaries here.) Aniston has great hair and a quick wit, but I don't think she's the female comic bulk of Friends.
There's more …
They gave Brad Pitt a guest appearance nomination for his one-time shot on the show. Come on, academy! We didn't all get off the farm yesterday. If this isn't a publicity ploy, I don't know what is.
Pitt is a great actor, but his appearance as the scorned high school kid was nothing. If they're awarding him for being on the show with his wife, then call it "best guest appearance by an actor in a comedy series whose hot wife is on the show."
Again, this would be another first-time thing, I think — husband and wife winning Emmys for the same show. How decadent! How can we even sleep until the end of September with the anticipation of Pitt and Aniston trotting away with bookend statuettes?!
And finally, they moved Survivor out of the best reality show category into a special class category. As I mentioned a while back, Survivor being up for an Emmy at all is like having The Osbournes be up for an Emmy. Hey wait. The Osbournes is up for an Emmy in the reality category. Isn't that convenient?
Sure, move Survivor into a different category so it can still win. Gee, why not just eliminate the competition altogether and send out the Academy Mafia to kill Ozzy and the family? Don't forget the dogs!
They say "you can fool some of the people some of the time," but the academy can't fool me. It seems there's something sinister going on — otherwise I have to believe everyone actually did eat pot brownies. That's hard to swallow (ugh!), since half the women in Hollywood don't even eat …
I'm actually so confused by the whole Emmy nomination process that Angelina and Billy Bob and Julia and Danny are starting to make sense to me after all.
Heidi Oringer is director of entertainment programming at ABCNEWS Radio.