Showbiz Commentary: Heidi Oringer

June 20 -- Gadzooks! That's about all I can say after reading the cover story on Angelina Jolie in the July 5 issue of Rolling Stone.

Obviously, I'll say a little more, as it is my nature to do so, but I have to tell you the whole story rendered me officially "freaked out." I know we are all created equal and it is our differences that make us unique individuals, but sometimes you just wonder, how "different" should you be?!

Lara Croft, Tomb Buyer

I was at first struck by the sheer irony. Jolie plays Lara Croft in the new movie Tomb Raider, AND she bought a couple of burial plots to celebrate her first anniversary with beloved husband Billy Bob Thornton. In the inimitable words of Dana Carvey's church lady, "Isn't THAT special?!"

Let me say this now: The day my husband (to be) comes home with his-and-her burial plots for an anniversary gift, he'll wish he came home IN a coffin. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind a box on my first anniversary — I'd just prefer a box that holds jewelry as opposed to one that holds a dead body.

But that's just the first of many instances where I found that Ms. Jolie and I differ in our tastes. First there's that matter of what makes a good gift. We also part ways on the idea of what makes for a good cocktail. I am a water, wine, and occasional vodka sort of person. Jolie, on the way other hand, is a Billy Bob Thornton's blood kind of person.

At a recent ceremony to renew their wedding vows, they cut their fingers and sipped away at one another. It is difficult to continue with this, as I struggle with a nasty gag reflex, but my problems should not be yours.

So, does anyone else think this is repulsively gross besides me? I've been in love enough to want to "drink" my paramour in, but not LITERALLY. I think the swapping of fluids gets covered nicely in the French kiss and other such things, and that should suffice. Again, it does for me at least.

Horsing Around Naked

Another shocking non-similarity between us gals — our love for animals. We both have it, but mine is for cats and dogs, baby chimps and bunnies. Jolie is into rats. As a matter of fact, she and her hubby-wubby have a pet rat named Fat Harry. Harry is actually a chick rat that now resides in the couple's bedroom in a neat little Rat-a-trail (this is what I suppose they call a Habitrail for rodents).