5. On Tracy Morgan vs. his "30 Rock" character, Tracy Jordan: "I'm not evil, I'm not diabolical, I'm just a funny motherf****r. So [Tina Fey] created a character that gave that to the world. A character who says, 'Here is Tracy Morgan's beauty.' ... Tracy Jordan is based on everybody that ever wigged out, myself included ... I didn't become Tracy Jordan, and Tracy Jordan isn't just Tracy Morgan with a different name. If you have any doubt about that, consider this: Our last, most successful season of the show, Season 3, I did entirely sober. I worked out as much as I could during that season, and I ate right for the first time in my life."
6. On opportunity: "They say when opportunity knocks you should let it in and invite it to sit at your table. F*** that -- when opportunity knocks, you should take it captive. Beat that s*** down. I've got opportunity tied to a chair in my basement with a ball gag in its mouth. Opportunity ain't even thinking about leaving my house. If you keep quiet for a second, you'll hear it whining."
7. On appreciating the ladies: "I've a girlfriend who is good to me, and there's no shortage of women I'd like to get pregnant."
8. On what he really thinks of his name: "Because let's face it -- Tracy Mogan? That's an Irish female's name. With a name like that, I should have red hair, blue eyes, and big t***s. I should be in a green bikini on a float every March."
9. On the Vietnam War, in which his father fought: "Vietnam was like a big girl everybody in the 'hood had been with but no one greeted on the street. Vietnam was a fat girl with gonorrhea; it was an embarrassment that nobody in America would be able to forget."
10. On a call to arms for black fathers raising daughters: "All you single fathers got to man up. ... Every black man has got to realize that if he's man enough to make a son, he'd better damn well be ready to be a dad. If you're not a leader, leave the condom on!"
11. On sex and dancing differences between the races: "Sex is a funny thing -- it's all hush-hush in the suburbs, but in the ghetto it's everywhere. That's the same reason white men can't dance. Black people dance well because we start early -- there's music being played everywhere. White people? They don't start dancing until they get to college, and by then it's too late; the bottom don't move with the top no matter how hard they try."
12. On losing his virginity at age eight: "I was eight and my brother Jim was ten, and we had a babysitter who gave us each a piece. ... I don't count that as losing my virginity -- I did that when I was twelve -- but I guess it was. My brother liked it but I didn't. I actually cried after that. I remember she gave me a stack of Oreo cookies to keep me quiet. It wasn't the only time it happened either. Damn. Memories.
13. On working hard for the money: "I've got friends who want money but don't want to do anything to earn it. They won't hold down a f*****g McDonald's job to feed their own kids, but now that I've got money they want to come and work for me. I don't know what the f*** makes them think i want them working for me if they won't get off their a** to provide for their own family. I've lost a lot of friends that way, friends who feel like they deserve a place on my payroll. They don't get it: I don't need an entourage. I don't need motherf*****s to play Xbox with me. I'd rather pay Xbox with my kids."