6. On opportunity: "They say when opportunity knocks you should let it in and invite it to sit at your table. F*** that -- when opportunity knocks, you should take it captive. Beat that s*** down. I've got opportunity tied to a chair in my basement with a ball gag in its mouth. Opportunity ain't even thinking about leaving my house. If you keep quiet for a second, you'll hear it whining."
7. On appreciating the ladies: "I've a girlfriend who is good to me, and there's no shortage of women I'd like to get pregnant."
8. On what he really thinks of his name: "Because let's face it -- Tracy Mogan? That's an Irish female's name. With a name like that, I should have red hair, blue eyes, and big t***s. I should be in a green bikini on a float every March."
9. On the Vietnam War, in which his father fought: "Vietnam was like a big girl everybody in the 'hood had been with but no one greeted on the street. Vietnam was a fat girl with gonorrhea; it was an embarrassment that nobody in America would be able to forget."
10. On a call to arms for black fathers raising daughters: "All you single fathers got to man up. ... Every black man has got to realize that if he's man enough to make a son, he'd better damn well be ready to be a dad. If you're not a leader, leave the condom on!"
11. On sex and dancing differences between the races: "Sex is a funny thing -- it's all hush-hush in the suburbs, but in the ghetto it's everywhere. That's the same reason white men can't dance. Black people dance well because we start early -- there's music being played everywhere. White people? They don't start dancing until they get to college, and by then it's too late; the bottom don't move with the top no matter how hard they try."
12. On losing his virginity at age eight: "I was eight and my brother Jim was ten, and we had a babysitter who gave us each a piece. ... I don't count that as losing my virginity -- I did that when I was twelve -- but I guess it was. My brother liked it but I didn't. I actually cried after that. I remember she gave me a stack of Oreo cookies to keep me quiet. It wasn't the only time it happened either. Damn. Memories.
13. On working hard for the money: "I've got friends who want money but don't want to do anything to earn it. They won't hold down a f*****g McDonald's job to feed their own kids, but now that I've got money they want to come and work for me. I don't know what the f*** makes them think i want them working for me if they won't get off their a** to provide for their own family. I've lost a lot of friends that way, friends who feel like they deserve a place on my payroll. They don't get it: I don't need an entourage. I don't need motherf*****s to play Xbox with me. I'd rather pay Xbox with my kids."
14. On moving homes in the ghetto:"Anybody who's lived in the ghetto knows that you don't move during the daytime. Here's why: You don't want anyone to know you're leaving, and you don't want anyone knowing where you're going. You don't want anybody seeing your s*** and knowing where they can get their hands on it. If they see you moving out, you can be damn sure they'll be sitting there on the sidewalk with an adding machine, totaling up how much they can get when they rob your new place."