Terry Real Answers Your Co-Parenting Questions
You asked, and family therapist Terry Real answered your co-parenting questions.
July 1, 2010 — -- Today "Good Morning America" took a look at the challenges of co-parenting, or a couple raising kids together after they've split.
To help overcome those challenges, family therapist Terry Real dropped by the show to lend his expert advice.
CLICK HERE to see our full report as well as Terry's tips to co-parenting.
After the segment, "GMA" invited its audience to ask Terry their own co-parenting questions. Here are his answers to your questions.
Note: Some questions have been slightly edited for clarity and to ensure anonymity for the submitter.
Terry,
You spoke about the significance of parents living within a close proximity. My ex does not see the merit in this, claiming that since he does the dropoffs and pickups, this should not matter to our child. I have brought up the importance of being part of our community, trick or treating with friends, having play dates on week days, etc., but he still doesn't agree. Can you elaborate on why this is so significant? Thanks!
- Joanna
Joanna,
Your ex sounds like he's still involved with the kids routine, which is all to the good. If he doesn't feel connected to the community as he once was, that's really his choice. But the children need easy and quick access to both parents -- the easier the better.
Terry,My boyfriend's divorce was recently finalized. They had been separated for two years. We've been together quite a bit longer than that. His oldest kid is in his teens, and the youngest is a toddler. I'm around the 3-year-old when she's alone with her dad. My question is, Has enough time passed to tell his kids about me? They've known me since they were little, and it's getting harder for me to keep putting away my things when they come over. He promised me after the divorce was final that he would tell them, but now he's got excuse after excuse. We love one another very much and would appreciate your opinion.
- Maggie
Maggie,
You are right. Enough time has gone by to begin the process of introducing you to the kids. The key will be to have patience and do it slowly slowly slowly. Start with a casual introduction, perhaps as part of a group or during an event. Graduate from there to a short outing. Don't barrage the kids with your presence. Patience and restraint now is an investment that will pay off over years.
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