Marriage-Saving Technology

Dec. 19, 2005 — -- Weekend getaways, romantic dinners, marriage counseling and now technology! All are ways to rekindle your relationship and relieve some stress from cohabitation. True, there is no one device that will clean the house, manage your finances, or prevent your spouse from belching, but a few well-chosen pieces of technology can sprinkle harmony into some relationships.

This nose-hair trimmer has two bright "headlights" to make sure nothing is missed, and it's fully submersible for easy cleaning. For those who might be a bit shy about the message a present like this might send, just wrap it up and say nothing.

The Home Cafe is a single-cup duel brew for the couple with distinct tastes. You take pods filled with your favorite coffee or tea and put them in the coffee maker, then simultaneously brew to your liking.

This toilet has motion sensors that lift the seat when approached and automatically close the seat when you walk away. There's even a remote, which should appeal to any man. Other features include a gentle back and front warm spray, a heated seat, and an air deodorizer. This is the Rolls Royce of auto-toilets, but you can get a similar product for much less money.

Text messaging is a phenomenon in Europe that is starting to gain ground here in the U.S. To send a short message, you use the number pads on your cell phone to spell out words. Each number pad has three or four corresponding letters (hit the number 1 once and you get an A, hit 1 twice you get B, hit it three times you get C). After you finish your message, it's sent to a cell phone number and then it displays as text on that recipient's cell phone screen.

Texting is great for conveying simple messages when you can't talk or you are in a hurry: little phrases like "on my way home," "in a meeting" or "sorry I can't call right now" will earn you high marks in the school of marital communication. But where text messaging can really help your relationship is in the post-argument, reconciliation phase. It's a little laborious, but it only takes 21 clicks to type out "i m sorry." Twenty-one clicks in the privacy of your own better judgment can be a lot easier than saying "I'm sorry" and groveling until that apology is accepted.

We've all heard the benefits that digital video recorders or TiVos can provide: They pause live television, automatically record your favorite shows so you can watch them when you want to, and TiVos let you fast-forward through the commercials. One initial benefit for relationships -- no more annoying channel-surfing. Why is it only annoying when someone else is in charge of the remote? Getting DirectTV and TiVo together provides even more marital bliss -- unlike TiVo with regular cable, the DirectTV's dual satellite receivers allow you to record two shows at once or watch one show live and record another at the same time. Can you say basketball AND "Desperate Housewives"? With an 80-hour recorder, all your programs are ready and waiting for you. He watches his show, she watches her show, and then they cuddle on the couch to watch their shows together.

If a TiVo satellite system is out of the question, you might already own something that could help you time-share the TV -- picture-in-picture technology. Look on your TV remote for a button that reads "PIP." Picture-in-picture allows you to watch one show in full screen mode while another show is shown in a smaller box in the corner of the screen. You need to choose which show's sound you listen to, but the deal in my house (pre-TiVo) was that the little screen got audio since the big screen got, well, a bigger screen. This is not a panacea for television bickering, but it might let you compromise for those tough times when a big game is on at the same time as a season finale.

I don't want you to think that television is the only source of strife in a home, but it's a conflict center that has inspired engineers. There are lots of solutions to help with TV tensions. Wireless TV headphones were one of the original marriage-saving technologies, in fact an early brand was marketed under the name "Marriage Savers."

My parents have had a pair for seven years. They've been married for almost 40, but without the wireless headphones, it might have all crumbled, seriously. This all hit crisis stage when my father's obsession with TV news shows peaked just as his hearing started to diminish a little. Before wireless headphones, the most common phrase uttered at home was, "Can you turn that thing down?" followed by the obligatory "What?"

Wireless headphones plug into your cable or satellite box, your audio receiver, or the TV itself in absence of the other options. The headphones need to be connected to the base stand in order to charge and will work for two to three hours between charges. Besides letting a reader and a TV junkie share the living room, they are also great if you want to listen to the TV while walking around the house or doing chores. Most have an advertised range of 200 to 300 feet, but the more walls you throw into the path, the shorter the wireless range becomes.

A robotic vacuum cleaner that does the dirty work for you. I have used my Roomba for a year, and people always ask me, "Do those things really work?" They really do.

You place the vacuum in the middle of a room, pick up any small items that could entangle Roomba (including small area rugs with fringes), and close the doors. When you come back, the floor is spotless -- under the table, around the chair legs, and even under the couch. So here's the marriage-saving trick that will make your house a little cleaner and your husband a part of the process. Tell him it's a robot and you just can't figure out how to work it. "Sweetie, could you put your big engineering brain on this project?" The robotics part could make it fun for your gear-head hubby or gear-head wife. Feel free to swap genders if any of my generalizations are reversed in your house. If the robotics trick doesn't get the hubby on a regular vacuuming schedule, just set Roomba in motion when you leave the house. When you get home, keep telling yourself that your slovenly partner was actually the one who vacuumed.

Not to go back to the TV, but where each person habitually puts the remote can be a source of griping. I am prone to accidentally stuffing the remote into the far corners of the couch. What would save my relationship a little tension? Remote tags are small electrical widgets about the size of a dime that stick or clasp onto objects. Each is color-coded and corresponds to a remote finder home-base button. Place the home base in a centrally located, preferably nailed-down location and when you need to find the remote, head to the home base. If an orange tag is on the remote, hit the orange button on the home base to make the lost remote's tag chirp and flash. Remote found, argument averted! You can use the finder's other included tags for keys, scissors or any other shared item that is subject to the dreaded: "Where did you put the _____?" question.

I've recommended marriage-saving technology, so I think it's fair to point out some devices that in the wrong homes can create entirely new sources of conflict.

A lot of people resist the big plasma screen and the home-theater treatment of the living room. So the enemy is not the screen, it's the speakers. Surround sound seems like a great idea for watching movies, experiencing sporting events on TV, or piping music into the living room. But when one person is watching TV and everyone else is trying to live normally in other parts of the house, that surround sound seems to surround everyone. The sub-woofer shakes the floors, the rear speakers bump up the treble on screams and screeches, and dialog permeates walls. And forget about talking to each other while the TV is on. "Oh, what a great play." "What?" "I said: 'WHAT A GREAT PLAY.'" "WHAT?" "NEVER MIND."Surround-sound speakers are great for dedicated home theaters, preferably ones in the basement surrounded by thick insulation.

I love to game, but it can be addicting. New multiplayer online games can really suck you in. There are social hierarchies, alliances and communities that make playing more than just a way to zone out. Games like Everquest and World of Warcraft are especially addictive. One friend of mine who has two kids under the age of 12 recently professed: "Yeah, I play World of Warcraft for five or six hours a day, but not consecutively." Not consecutively? Have you spoken to your children and wife this week?

I've met a few Everquest widows who complain that their spouses disappeared for hours at a time when they started playing the game. Some relationships rebounded and others ended as a result of one person's gaming priorities.

On the other hand, if you and your spouse both like to game, it can be a great activity for the two of you. The most social way to game is via console games that have multiple controllers. You can plop down on the floor of the living room and take him on, head-to-head at football, racing, or a space alien shoot-'em up. I also recommend gaming with your kids. It's a great way to stay involved and keep an eye on the games they are playing. Some of them are way too violent and way too sexually graphic.

As a technology fan, I think gadgets and gizmos in the home are fantastic. The new version of nesting includes words like plasma, TiVo and Wi-Fi. Think about the social repercussions of any new technology you bring into the home and good luck staying in your relationship for the long haul.