Letting Go of Fear-Filled Parenting

Jan. 27, 2011 — -- I have to admit, I feel sorry for Amy Chua. Chua is the author of a new book called "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother," in which she gives readers a vivid picture of her life as a strict, driven Asian-American mother.

Less than two weeks ago, the Wall Street Journal ran an excerpt from her book and poor Chua has been front-page news ever since.

The initial article garnered more than 7,000 comments, and counting. In a follow-up interview in the Wall Street Journal, Chua reports that she has received countless e-mails, even death threats, in the wake of the initial article.

What Chua knowingly or unknowingly tapped into is the turbulent undercurrent of parenting: fear. Chua critiques the parenting philosophy that stresses self-esteem over achievement. But she would have caused a similar outrage if she'd confessed to bottle-feeding her babies or not vaccinating them or spanking them or going back to work when they were 6 weeks old or deciding to stay home with them for the first 10 years of their lives.

When it comes to parenting, it doesn't really matter what you say, you've got a battle on your hands.

The paranoia we feel as parents is never so fully on display as when someone questions our parenting decisions. We dig in our heels and we refuse to accept there is any way but our own.

We have to. To admit we might have made a less-than-ideal choice is to listen to that not-so-little voice that tells us we are ruining our precious children.

So when Chua lets us know that her parenting style is sending her kids to Carnegie Hall and ours is sending our kids to a nice job handing out Slurpies at the gas station, that voice starts yelling. Loudly.