11 Things I’ll Never Do as a Mom

I don’t know if this qualifies as a motherhood failure or just a general human being failure, but in thinking about how much time it would take me to iron on a regular basis, I’m just going to go ahead with classifying it under mothering responsibilities. That I don’t do. I rarely have the need to iron my clothes and I’m pretty vigilant about hanging any ironable wet clothes up right away to decrease wrinkles for my kids’ dress clothes. And my husband, who actually has a professional job outside of the home? He’s on his own in the mornings to iron his work uniform. Sorry, honey, but let’s be honest — I’d probably ruin them anyways.

4) Switch the laundry on time

I’ll never forget the day I learned you were supposed to take the clothes out of the dryer right when it buzzed, because shamefully, it was just last year. I just never even knew such a fact was true, as horrifying as that may be to admit. Without being in the habit of it, and with the fact that our washer and dryer are in the basement, where I can’t hear the buzzer anyways, I pretty much never take the clothes out on time. I do loads of laundry every day, but rarely do I have the pleasure of folding a warm, fresh-from-the-dryer load of clothes.

5) Take regular dates with my husband

The best thing you can do for your kids is love your husband, right? And while I do love mine, we do not have a long-standing “date night” tradition of any kind. In fact, it’s very rare for us to actually go out on a date night, as he works a lot of nights and we are pretty exhausted after the kids’ bedtime anyways. I’d say we average one date night every four months. Is that bad?

6) Volunteer at my kids’ school

While not exactly on purpose, I realized in a panic a week before my daughter’s school ended last year, that I had volunteered precisely zero times in her classroom. (To remedy this, I immediately signed up for the end-of-the-school year ice cream party, no hidden motive there, I assure you.) I was pretty horrified, considering that I had started the year with grand plans to be a super classroom mom. But the logistics of figuring out childcare for the younger two kids, shelling out cash to pay said babysitter, and then still getting my work in for the day proved to be a challenge I didn’t foresee. With a newborn due a week before school starts this year, I doubt I will be winning any “Volunteer Mom of The Year” awards anytime soon, but I keep telling myself it’s OK for now. Someday, all of these little people will be in school and I will have more time to change my slacker ways.

7) Do my hair or make-up

I wish this one wasn’t true, but it’s a rare day that I do my hair or put on a lot of make-up when I’m at home. Most days, the only out-of-the-house action I have going on is to pick up my oldest from school, so it feels pointless to put a lot of effort into my appearance.

8) Break up every fight

Nope, I just don’t do it. I’d spend every waking minute breaking up fights. Unless things are getting physical, I will from time to time tell my kids to work it out on their own. It’s a life skill in my book.

9) Drop everything for my kids

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