When Stepfamilies Don't Mix

Amanda said she would sometimes dig her fingernails into her arms to cause bruises and then blame Laurie for the injuries.

On Laurie's birthday, Amanda admitted to scratching out Laurie's face in a family photo -- which led to a physical confrontation that frightened the whole family.

Laurie and Amanda eventually worked out that battle, with Amanda apologizing and Laurie accepting it. She even told Amanda, "I know for sure that you're a good kid."

That didn't end the war, though. Things reached a breaking point when Amanda told her father she was moving back in with her mother. Tony and Laurie seem on the brink of breaking up.

'Normal Stepfamily Dynamics'

Tony and Laurie came to New York to watch the tapes of themselves and talk to Papernow about how to mend their relationship. The first positive thing they heard was that many of their problems seemed like "normal stepfamily dynamics."

Before things could be resolved with Amanda, Papernow said, Tony and Laurie needed to work on their own relationship -- and get beyond the endless cycles of accusation and response.

Papernow says if there is one supreme rule in relationships, it is that when you feel like criticizing or complaining, instead make a practical request for what you want -- whether it is more affection, more positive feedback, or more help around the house.

"As a grown-up, asking is actually a big power," Papernow said. "It's your most powerful move."

With Papernow's help, things gradually got better. With patience, experts say, stepfamilies can heal, and the majority of stepfamilies do well.

"When it works," Papernow said, "it's rich. It's exciting. It's interesting."