If Death Is Certain, How Do You Live?

May 27, 2009 — -- Seven months before he died at the age of 21, William Zarifi reflected on the extraordinary events that had both blessed and cursed his too-brief life.

An essay found in his laptop after he finally gave in to brain cancer last October described how learning how to die had taught him how to live.

The handsome, 6-foot-2 honors student at the University of Southern California mused that he had been born lucky. His father was born in Kabul, Afghanistan, and had "lived in a small, bathroomless, 2 room home with his five brothers and sisters and abusive father" before escaping to the United States and building a successful construction business in Arizona, he wrote.

By contrast, Will grew up in million-dollar homes, went to the best schools, never had to want for anything.

He was lucky, he admitted, but the luckiest day of his life, he wrote, came on Feb. 19, 2007, "The day I found out that I had brain cancer."

The story of Will's life, and death, is the story of many these days who are faced with unthinkable decisions. If death is certain, is it best to ignore treatment and live life for the moment? Or should you fight, knowing the odds against you are horrible?

There is no consensus, even among medical professionals.

Various studies have shown that doctors have as much trouble dealing with the death of a patient as the rest of us. Communicating with grieving survivors, the studies show, is difficult for everyone. So dying, it turns out, is more art than science.

Most stories probably begin the same way -- shock, disbelief, anger, withdrawal.

"I was a 19 year old student who had never broken a bone or even had surgery," Will wrote. "I didn't know what to do. I just sat down and cried."

But he soon changed. Will decided to fight his cancer down to the last breath. It must not have been an easy decision. The outlook was bleak, indeed. At 19, Will was considered a terminal case.

"A lot of doctors recommended that we do nothing," recalled his sister, Linda, an architect. "He should accept the fact that he's lost the battle and stop all treatment."