Amy's Answers: 'I Don't Mind the Public Scrutiny'

— -- Ray in Michigan asks: Did you feel that it was easier to find good dates back in the Midwest or in NYC?

Amy's answer: Well, in the Midwest I was 20 and younger, so it was easier in the sense that I just went out with people I met at school or whatever. I didn't really know myself so I didn't know what I wanted and who might be a great catch for me. That said, I do find that I can't be the same trusting girl I was in South Dakota out here. I have to be calculating and conscious of what the other persons' agenda is just because there are so many people here so it is easier for someone to mislead you because there is no recourse for treating someone poorly here. The population is so huge that you can blow someone off, lie about being married and the like without any serious repercussions simply because of the anonymity.

Kay in New Orleans asks: Do you find it helpful to let a man know on the first date that you are looking for a husband?

Amy's answer: Firstly, I didn't let him know on the first date. It was second and felt like the fourth. You will remember that first we went horse back riding, then he had cake and poems, then there was the picnic in the park and all of this was after countless hours of conversation on the phone and via e-mail. Remember also, on the first date he said that he was looking to settle down! So after that, combined with the fact that I knew he was into me, then felt comfortable telling him the outright truth when he asked. It didn't scare him off and if it did, then I wouldn't want to waste my time with someone who was just looking to have "fun" with me anyway.

What people sometimes forget is that just because I am looking for the guy, I am looking for the RIGHT guy, not just any guy who is willing to marry me and procreate with me! ;-) Would I recommend telling each of your first dates that you are "looking for a husband"?? No, but should you be honest about wanting to find the guy you can spend the rest of your life with and raise children with when the subject comes up? Absolutely!

Cindy in Massachusetts asks: I have tried the online dating for three years now and have a few friendships. Do you think we should ask if they are seeing other woman and what point in the dating relationship should this be discussed?

Amy's answer: Well, this depends on how long you have been "friends" with the guy you want to date. And what type of friends have you been? Platonic? I think if you have been friends with someone for longer than two months, and he hasn't tried to kiss you yet, you might recognize that he is either very shy or just isn't into you romantically. If he is your friend, ask him why he isn't into you romantically and take his constructive criticism to heart, if you value his opinion and he is indeed the type of guy you could see yourself with.

If he has kissed you (or more) then by all means, ask him what is up! Is he dating you and other girls? Does he see himself with you in the future? If he is seeing other women, you better let him know that you are seeing other men. Do NOT be monogamous with someone who is playing the field. Two can play at that stupid game. If his answers don't jive with you, let him go! Don't let jerks use you for sex and waste your youth. He has forever to settle down, but we girls have to nab the guy while we are young so don't let any man waste your time. (Gosh, I sound so mean! But trust me, I am right on this.)

Kay in New York asks: Hey Amy. I watched the series premier of "Hooking Up". It was very interesting. I live in New York and was wondering what site do you go on to date online? Thank You.

Amy's answer: I date on Match and eHarmony. Even if I meet someone out and about, I will ask them for their screen name on Match so I can check them out before I go out with them. Match has tons of people, eHarmony has great questions and such, but not so many people yet. If you are Jewish try Jdate and if not there are others as well, Lavalife, Nerve etc. It just depends on what you are looking for.