Funnies: Turkey Day Laughs

Here's a roundup of the late-night comics.

Late Show

Letterman: "These turkeys they're going to pardon this year, they're arrogant. They're flying in from Detroit on their private jets. That's how arrogant they are."

Tonight Show

Leno: "It looks like Hillary Clinton accepted Barack Obama's offer to be secretary of state. Yep, she accepted. [ cheers and applause ] Very exciting. She accepted after Barack Obama's vetting process could not find any link between her and Bill Clinton. So that worked out."

Late Late Show

Craig Ferguson "Today Barack Obama announced his economic team. President Bush is working closely with them but Obama said his team has many obstacles to overcome, the biggest one being maybe that President Bush is working closely with them."

Late Night

Conan: "General Motors announced just -- they just announced it today, I think, that they are ending their endorsement deal with Tiger Woods. Yeah, when asked why, a spokesperson for General Motors said Tiger Woods is successful, competitive and popular. And that's just not us."

Late Show

Letterman: "Here on the eve of Thanksgiving, I have some-- I have some great news and I have some sad news, ladies and gentlemen. First the great news, Sarah Palin is in town. Yup, that's right. The bad news is she shot the Bullwinkle moose balloon."

Tonight SHow

Leno: "The big three automakers are now talking about driving back to Washington in December. Remember the big uproar last week, they all flew to Washington in private jets? Kevin: Right. Leno: Well, now they're going to carpool. No, this is true. And to make sure there aren't any problems, they're driving a Toyota."

The Late Show

David Letterman: At one point during this meeting, Joe Biden turns to Cheney and he says Dick, tell me, what is it like being second in command? And Cheney said hell, I don't know, ask Bush.

The Late Show

David Letterman: President-elect Barack Obama announced he's moving into the White House, his family, the two girls and his wife and his mother-in-law. A mother in law in the White House? Honestly? I thought this was the administration that was against torture.

The Tonight Show

Jay Leno: Barack Obama, President-elect Barack Obama, still looking -- still looking for a new White House dog. The search is on. In fact, do you realize he has spent more time selecting a dog than John McCain did selecting a running mate.

The Late Late Show

Craig Ferguson:The transition is continuing in Washington. Vice President-elect Joe Biden is meeting with Dick Cheney tomorrow. Cheney will give Biden a tour of the VP residence and hand over keys to the dungeon. That kind of thing.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Jimmy Kimmel:You can see the president and Mrs. Bush met them in the presidential parking lot and the greeted them warmly. Not only did he not use hand sanitizer, he even taught him the secret presidential handshake. *close up of Bush and Obama's hands doing girlish handshake/hand games*