The Dos and Don'ts of Gift Exchanging
Dec. 16, 2004 — -- We've all had our low moments.
A friend at work gives you a gift the last day before the holidays and you have nothing to offer in return and no time to shop. Or your aunt gives you the same fondue set you got last year from someone else, and you don't manage to hide your disappointment.
Gift exchanging can be hazardous, but for better or for worse, it has become a central part of the holidays. The key to surviving the gift-giving season unscathed, say etiquette specialists, is to follow a few simple rules and remember what the act of giving -- and receiving -- is all about. That means acting gracious even when you may not feel like it.
"I would never tell anyone that gives me something, 'Oh, I already have one.' Gift-giving is a gesture, it's not about the item," said Dorothea Johnson of the Protocol School of Washington, based in Yarmouth, Maine. "Instead I would thank them warmly and then quietly exchange it or recycle it."
Recycle it? Yes, according to a number of etiquette specialists, including Johnson, it's OK to re-gift. But proceed with caution. Peter Post, grandson of etiquette guru Emily Post, says you must rewrap the item and, of course, remove the original gift card. And be sure the person you're re-gifting to could never find out the present wasn't lovingly chosen just for him or her.
"If you see a lot of the person who gave you the gift originally, you have to make sure it would not circulate in your set of friends," said Johnson. "But everybody recycles gifts."
There are also occasions when you should not feel obligated to give a gift -- recycled or not. If you are in tough financial times, people will understand if you skip shopping -- especially if you tell friends and family ahead of time. Instead, Johnson says, you can offer other things, like cooking a meal or helping clean someone's car, as a holiday gesture.
There are even times when buying a gift can be inappropriate. At the workplace, for example, it's generally not advisable to give your boss a gift.
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