Many Speak of Divorce's Impact

July 8, 2002 — -- Some say they're living happy, healthy lives. A few are uncertain. But many children of divorce and their parents who e-mailed ABCNEWS.com say the experience left permanent anxieties and scars on their lives or the lives of their kids.

ABCNEWS.com asked readers touched by divorce to e-mail their thoughts on how it affected them.

The query came in the context of recent research and books by E. Mavis Hetherington and Judith Wallerstein, who offer somewhat different views on the extent of divorce's long-term negative effect on kids.

Read more about the books and research by clicking on the related story at left.

Here is a sampling of the reader responses:

A California man whose parents divorced when he was 4 said the idea of creating a family "scares me." He focuses his energies on being a better manager at work, but wishes he could feel confident enough to marry. "I am deeply touched more and more as I grow older by things like movie plots dealing with close families, especially fathers' roles because I didn't have one. I am 34 and think I will never marry or have children because I think I will not be a good parent."

A recently married Chicago woman said she has "a fundamental fear of trusting other people" after "my father's infidelity" contributed to her parents divorce when she was 7. Although she loves her husband, "I still have dreams about him showing interest in other women [although] I know it wouldn't happen." However, she believes things might have been worse for her if her parents had stayed together.

A divorced New Jersey woman in her 30s says her family fell into poverty after her parents divorced in the mid-1970s. She finds Hetherington's conclusions that divorce's long-term impact has been overstated to be, "a complete cop-out, a panacea to make irresponsible parents 'feel better' about their divorces." She finds more truth in Wallerstein's book because "my self-esteem is non-existent [and] I cannot function properly in any kind of relationship."