Entrepreneurial Tightrope: Need some moral support? Do this
— -- Hi, Gladys, I know that you believe there's nothing wrong with having to start over from scratch. However, getting started is my problem. I want to succeed in every way both in business and my personal life. The problem is I feel that I need more support from my family and friends, and so far I'm not feeling that support. I have heard you speak on having a support system. How do I get the people that I care about to become the support that I need? — M.S.
Sometimes getting the support of others is as simple as supporting and believing in yourself.
We are constantly sending out unconscious signals to the folks around us as to how we feel deep down.
Believe it or not, you could be the cause of the effect. I often tell the story about a conversation between my friend Margie and me. One day I stopped by the office of the corporate landscaping company she owns. She was rushing out the door to get home to prepare dinner for her 19 year-old-son and her 45-something husband. I reminded her that her son and husband were adults and should be capable of preparing a meal for themselves.
She said, "Maybe they are adults, but they can't function in the kitchen as well as I can."
"That's probably true," I told her, "but you have to give them the opportunity; they might surprise you and themselves, too." I managed to convince her to stop by the club with me and have a glass of wine.
About an hour later I went home with her. Just as she had predicted, her son and her husband were sitting in the living room watching television and complaining of being hungry. I asked her son why they had not taken it upon themselves to fix something to eat. He said that his mother liked to keep things in a certain order in the kitchen and he and his dad didn't want to disturb her system. Margie turned to me and said, "See, I told you so."
I told her the only thing I could see was that she had sent the message loud and clear that her kitchen was off limits to anyone but herself.
Check yourself closely to see what kind of signals you are sending to your loved ones. Do you find yourself voicing a plan to get started in something and use words and statements that imply doubt on your part? Example: "I'm going to try this and see how it goes." Or, "I sure hope this new idea of mine works out." These statements don't invite support.
Another friend called me last year and said she was tired of living a boring life. She said she was going to lose weight and start a career in journalism. So far she has put on an additional 10 pounds and claims she doesn't have the right support from her husband to feel comfortable enough to write anything.
The truth is each time I talk to her she uses the kind of words that make me think she isn't serious about her stated plans. A few months ago I noticed her saying things like, "If I lose weight . . ." and, "If I get published . . ." or "whenever I lose weight I will . . . "
Giving support to a loved one is a commitment on the part of the person giving the support. Therefore the one asking for the support should be firmly committed to the project that they want support for. Check carefully your behavior and the words you use. Once you remove all doubt about your own commitment to your plans, you will most likely see more and more support in your favor.
And finally, when we have things in common with and build emotional bonds with members of our support system, and ask them to do something for us (in your case give more support), they will give us what we want and feel as if they are doing it for themselves.
Gladys Edmunds' Entrepreneurial Tightrope column appears Wednesdays. As a single, teen-age mom, Gladys made money doing laundry, cooking dinners for taxi drivers and selling fire extinguishers and Bibles door-to-door. Today, Edmunds, founder of Edmunds Travel Consultants in Pittsburgh, is a private coach/consultant in business development and author of There's No Business Like Your Own Business, published by Viking. See an index of Edmunds' columns. Her website is www.gladysedmunds.com. You can e-mail her at gladys@gladysedmunds.com.
Popular Reads
ABC News Live