Fishy Orgasms

July 17, 2001 — -- Bad news for boy fish: Female fish are known to fake orgasms. Who even knew that fish had egos?

Sweden's National Board of Fisheries watched trout in an aquarium and found that females faked orgasms in 69 out of 117 couplings, according to Britain's New Scientist magazine.

How did these fish learn the dubious art of sexual deception? Did they catch Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally?

It actually takes more than a little conspicuous moaning. Researchers say the female trouts trick their partners into premature ejaculation, most likely to give them some choice over who will father their children.

As a couple begins to spawn, both fish quiver violently with their mouths open. Egg and sperm are released simultaneously. (You could call it the caviar of sex.)

But researchers noted that female fish often quiver without releasing their eggs. Of course, those dumb male fish fall for it every time — hook, line and sinker.

It apparently pays for fish to fake it. Researchers note that the more false orgasms a female had, the more other males were attracted to her. With a bigger pool of eligible bachelors, she'll have a better chance of hooking up with a fertile guy when she finally does have the Big O.

And who do the lady fish ultimately choose? It often turns out to be the male fish with bigger fins and jaws. Forgive me for being a short man for a second, but isn't that always the case?

Thousands of fishermen flocking to the 27th Annual Brown Trout Festival in Alperna, Mich., this weekend were hardly surprised by the news.

"These are wily fish," said festival director Ken Kolasa. "To hook one, you need lots of skill and patience."

Gentlemen, Start Your Babies

What will come of your baby if the little tyke watches too much TV? Do you worry he'll turn into a couch potato? There's some evidence he may be a speed demon instead.

Some of the fastest babies at the National Baby Food Festival's annual "Baby Crawl" turn out to be those who see a TV remote control dangling in their face to get them to cross an auditorium.