EXCLUSIVE: Robin Williams’ Widow Forgave Him, Doesn’t Blame Him ‘One Bit’ for Taking His Own Life

Robin Williams’ widow, Susan, said she doesn’t blame him “one bit” for taking hi

ByABC News
November 3, 2015, 7:32 AM

— -- Robin Williams’ widow, Susan, said she doesn’t blame him “one bit” for taking his life, revealing the comedian had been paranoid and anxious leading up to his suicide and was planning with doctors to check himself into a facility to undergo neurocognitive testing the week of his death.

“If Robin was lucky, he would've had maybe three years left. And they would've been hard years,” Susan Williams told ABC News’ Amy Robach in an exclusive interview that aired today on “Good Morning America," referring to what was discovered about her husband’s physical condition after his 2014 death. “And it's a good chance he would've been locked up.”

It was her first interview since the death of her celebrated actor-comedian husband last year at age 63. The pair had had a seven-year relationship and a private, happy three-year marriage.

Williams described her husband as “just a dream,” adding, “It’s the best love I ever dreamed of. You know, it’s what I always dreamed of love would be … really based on just honor, love, respect.”

In the interview, Williams open up to Robach about her husband’s mental and physical state and his diagnosis of Parkinson’s disease. She cried as she described how scared she was when she saw her husband and best friend “just disintegrating” before her eyes and again when she recalled her final conversation with him the night of Aug. 10, 2014.


She was in bed, reading, and he was getting ready for bed, too. He offered her a foot massage.

“And I said, ‘It's OK, honey. Not -- you know, it's OK. You don't have to tonight.’ And I'll never forget the look in his eyes of just, sad because he wanted to. And I wished -- you know?” she said. “Then he came back in the room a couple of times. Once to his closet. And he said -- and then he laughed. And he said, ‘Goodnight, my love.’ And I said, ‘Goodnight, my love.’"

The actor came back one more time, went to his office and got his iPad, his widow said. He appeared to be showing interest in something, displaying initiative.

“And I thought, ‘This is good,’” she recalled. “And then he said, ‘Goodnight. Goodnight.’ That was the last.”

The next day, Aug. 11, 2014, she left for work without seeing him, thinking he was still asleep.

When his assistant, Rebecca, arrived at the house, Williams told her to call her when he woke up.

“And I said, ‘Call me when he’s up or have him call me when he’s up,’” Williams said. “And I kept thinking, ‘How come he hasn’t called me yet?’ And then she sent me a text. It said ‘He’s not up yet. What should I do?’ I said – and in that moment, I knew there was something horribly wrong.”

It was past 11:30 a.m., and Williams told her husband’s assistant, Rebecca, to wake him up.

Rebecca called her back. Robach asked Williams what the assistant had told her about her husband, but she was too distraught to answer.

She rushed home.


“That 20-minute car ride, I just screamed the whole way, ‘Robin!’” she said.

At first she couldn’t see him because emergency responders were doing their jobs.

“And I just wanted to see my husband. And I got to see him ... and I got to pray with him. And I got to tell him, ‘I forgive you 50 billion percent, with all my heart. You're the bravest man I've ever known.’ You know, we were living a nightmare,” she said.

The nightmare worsened in the months leading up to his death. The Academy Award-winning actor’s depression, anxiety and paranoia battles drove him to hang himself with a belt.

He had always been very open about his addiction, depression and stints in rehab, but his wife said he’d gotten his life back on track. They even celebrated on July 11, his sobriety date.