'GMA' Buzz Picks: 'Yoga Pant Nation' by Laurie Gelman
If you've finished our "GMA" Book Club pick this month and are craving something else to read, look no further than our new digital series, "GMA" Buzz Picks. Each week, we'll feature a new book that we're also reading this month to give our audience even more literary adventures. Get started with our latest pick below!
This week's Buzz Pick is "Yoga Pant Nation" by Laurie Gelman.
Gelman's laugh-out-loud novel dives deep into the craziness of modern motherhood.
The hilarious and irreverent Jen Dixon is class mom—again—in "Yoga Pant Nation" by Laurie Gelman.
And Jen's final year as class mom is a breeze until the PTA president asks her to champion the school's annual fundraiser, a notoriously challenging job which, as we know, is right up Jen's alley.
It's pretty much mayhem as Jen deals with a temperamental fundraising committee, the Hindenburg of bake sales, and countless other natural and unnatural disasters that deter her from reaching her goal of raising $10,000. She is also dealing with her 10-year-old son Max, who may or may not be a fifth-grade bully.
But outside of William Taft Elementary, Jen's life is good, even if she and her daughter, Vivs, don't see eye-to-eye on the whole parenting thing. She's a grandma for the first time to 2-year-old Maude who is, by Jen's description, "delightful and delicious." And she's taking her love of spinning to the next level by attempting to become an instructor and finding an unlikely ally in her husband Ron's crazy ex-wife, Cindy.
As ever, when life gets crazy, humor is Jen's best stress relief. Her acerbic emails to the class parents and friendly spars with her daughter over how organic is organic enough for baby food will have readers laughing out loud and texting Jen's best lines to their friends.
Get started with an excerpt below.
Read along with us and join the conversation all month long on our Instagram account -- GMA Book Club and #GMABookClub
*****
To: Jennifer Dixon
From: Sylvie Pike Re: Let's meet up!
Date: September 25
Jen,
Great to see you today. I hope everything with Max is okay.I didn't get a chance to mention it earlier, but I'd like to talk to you about a special project I have in mind for you.How about lunch Wednesday?
Thanks,
Sylvie
Sylvie Pike
PTA president
William Taft Elementary School
-----
"Hey, stranger. Are you hiding from me?"
PTA president Sylvie Pike had no idea how right she was. If I hadn't been distracted by my Max mission, I totally would have been on the lookout to avoid her.
"Hey there!" I said cheerily. "Of course not! I just don't want Max to see me. How was your summer?"
"Like a true vacation. All five kids went to the church camp—two of them were counselors!"
"Nice!"
"Ya, it was great, but I constantly felt like I was forgetting some- thing. Hey, you missed the PTA breakfast again. What do I have to do to get you there?"
"Nothing anymore. This is my last year!" I glanced over to check on Max and saw Zach E. lingering nearby. It looked like they were having a conversation.
"Well, let me catch you up on what you missed."
I was only half listening to Sylvie, because I was studying the dynamic between the two boys. There was a lot of back-and-forth but no smiling or laughing. Suddenly, and much to my surprise, Max threw down his stop sign and walked away. What the?? I was about to walk over, but I saw No Longer Homeless Mitch was already on the case.
"What are you looking at?" Sylvie wanted to know. It was clear I wasn't listening to her.
"Something is going on with Max. Excuse me for a minute."
I crept toward Max's corner and saw him pick up his discarded sign. Mitch patted him on the back and gave me a salute hello.
Before I said anything, Max turned on me.
"I did what you said! I walked away!" He was practically shouting.
"I know you did. I saw you. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine! Can you please not stand here?"
I knew he was taking his anger out on me, and I let him. "I'll be in the car when you're done," I told him calmly. I turned toward the parking lot and saw a small group of parents and kids watching. I really wanted to scream "Are you not entertained?" like Russell Crowe in "Gladiator," but even I knew that was a little much. Instead I avoided all eye contact and jogged to the minivan.
About fifteen minutes later, Max slipped into the car without a word. I let the silence last about twenty seconds, then asked him what happened.
"Same sh—crap." He looked up after he said it, not sure if I was going to object to the word. How could I, when he's heard me say it daily since he was born?
He continued. "He talks to me for no reason and says sh—crap he knows will get me mad."
"Maybe I should call his mother."
"NO! Mom, please. Promise me you won't. Please, please don't."
"So, is that a maybe?" I turned quickly to wink at him. He shook his head but didn't give me a smile.
"Okay, I won't. Does he ever get physical with you?" "You mean like hit me?"
"Or shove you or bump you in the halls at school." "No. He just says sh—crap."
"All right, that's enough with the 'sh—crap.' I let it slide twice, but don't push me."
And now he sits at the kitchen table, allegedly doing his home- work. I send a quick note back to Sylvie Pike telling her Wednesday lunch will be great, then get up to start dinner.
"Hey there!" I smile and greet Sylvie Pike as she slides into our booth at Chili's. She is decked out in her usual hippielike attire of a peasant blouse and skirt in two shades of autumnal orange. Her long black hair is blow-dried straight and hangs behind her shoulders.
"Hi. Thanks for meeting me here. I know I should change it up, try some other place for lunch, but I just love their fajitas."
I make a mental note to go straight home and burn my clothes, because her steaming fajitas will inevitably make me smell like the wallpaper in a Mexican restaurant.
"No worries at all. I love the chicken Caesar." "Everything okay with Max?" she asks.
"I'm not sure." I pause and consider her for a moment. "Have any of your kids ever been bullied?"
"He's being bullied?" Her eyes nearly pop out of her head. "Have you told Principal Jackowski?"
"No, I'm not sure he's actually being bullied. I know he's having some trouble with Zach Elder, but I don't know what's going on."
"My oldest was bullied in fourth grade." She shakes her head. "It was awful."
"What kind of bullying was it?" I ask, because as we all know, it comes in many forms.
"He was small for his age, so they called him Frodo and a few other choice names and shoved him around in a circle every day. But they would only do it at recess, and they made it look like a game, so the teacher never noticed. Kids can be so freakin' sneaky."
"Was Matt upset?"
"He never even said anything! I finally found out through Jani Kyo. Her daughter told her one day after school that everyone was being mean to Matty Pike, so she called and let me know."
"So, he never said anything to you?"
She shakes her head. "No, but I should have known something was up. He was in a perpetually bad mood that year."
I think of Max's relentless crabbiness and nod my understanding.
"I went to see the principal—it wasn't Jackowski back then— and he handled it pretty quickly."
"I can't imagine Matt being small!" I chuckle. Her son is a six- foot-two junior in high school.
She laughs. "I know! That growth spurt he had in seventh grade was his best revenge."
After Debbie unceremoniously plunks our drinks on the table, I can tell Sylvie is ready to get down to business.
"So," she starts, "the reason I wanted to talk to you is that I think you're the perfect person to lead this year's PTA fundraiser."
Diet Coke shoots out of my nose like a geyser and burns my nostrils. I knew something was coming, but not this. God, not this.
*****
Excerpt courtesy of YOGA PANT NATION by Laurie Gelman. Published by Henry Holt and Company July 13th 2021. Copyright © 2021 by Laurie Gelman. All rights reserved.
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