Pregnant Jeannie Mai shares video on why she changed her mind about having a baby
"I am in awe of how I grew to get to this place," she said.
Jeannie Mai is opening up on changing her mind about motherhood after announcing her pregnancy last month.
In a new episode of her Hello Hunnay YouTube channel, Mai explained more about why she previously did not want to have children and how her relationship with husband Jeezy altered her mindset.
"If you took every penny I had and everything I loved and bet that I would be pregnant, I would absolutely bet against myself," she noted with a laugh, calling being pregnant a "full-circle moment" for herself.
"I am in awe of how I grew to get to this place," she said.
"I was always -- and still am -- very protective of women and people who don't want to have kids," she tells the camera in the confessional-style show. "I don't like the guilt and the pressure that's placed on women to have children. Just because we're women, it means that we have the choice; it doesn't mean that we have to have children."
Mai said she had "zero idea of how to take care of a newborn," and showes a baby doll her friends had given her to get her used to the idea.
Jeezy already had two "beautiful" children, the actress said, and she was very content with not having any biological children of her own. "That was our plan ... But as you know, you're always gonna have plan and then God reminds you who's in charge."
She says she credits her relationship with the rapper for changing her mind, explaining that "something started to change" as their relationship progressed.
"I just begin to fall into love with Jeezy that I had never experienced before, and this love opened up visions and dreams of things I wanted to do with him that I never pictured doing: building a future, building a family, building the type of childhood and the type of freedom and love that we didn't always have as kids in someone new," she said.
Mai explained it was sexual abuse she says she suffered as a child that led to the "trust" issues that she always thought would make motherhood a non-starter for her.
"As a child, when you are taken from things that feel good and whole and safe, it's hard to see anything being trustworthy moving forward," she said. "I realized that the reason why I didn't want to have kids is because that feeling when I was a kid was so real and so damaging to the point that I'm 42 today still dealing with trust issues."
She said she "didn't trust" herself to protect a child and the thought of the child dealing with trauma was what steered her away from motherhood.
"It still scares me on whether or not I can keep a kid safe from someone else who might hurt them," she said. "It scares me if my child will be in a situation and not be able to tell me or if I'm not going to be there to help them. something can happen."
However, she said she changed her mindset by confronting this trauma she says she experienced.
"What I've determined to do is to face my fears and do everything I can to understand where it comes from, so that I know it's not real," she said. "There are bad people in the world that could harm your child, but I also know that I am a mighty woman today, and that my child's not going to have the same relationship with their parents that I had with mine."
"They're going to have a relationship with me that I'm going to cultivate and make stronger and more communicative and more open and fluid than any other relationship I've ever had in my life," she added. "And I know that I have a partner that also feels the same way, who also has gone through his own hurt and his own pain in his life."
She said she and Jeezy will work to build "the type of childhood that we'd never had" for their child.
If you or someone you know is in need of help, the National Sexual Assault Hotline -- 800-656-HOPE -- is free, confidential and available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You can also use the hotline's chat online option.
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