What to know about the '9-Minute Theory' parents are talking about on social media

A psychology professor shares what parents should know about the theory.

April 30, 2024, 6:16 PM

When Sara Martinez, a mom of a 19-month-old daughter, needed tips on raising a toddler, she turned to TikTok for help, asking in a video for parents to send their advice.

Among the thousands of comments she received was one that Martinez, 36, said has not only improved her bond with her daughter, but also how she feels as a mom.

"Someone said, 'Look up the 9-Minute Theory,' and so I did, and I was really interested," Martinez told "Good Morning America."

According to Martinez, the theory suggests that parents focus on three key interactions with their kids during the day: The first three minutes after they wake up, the three minutes after they come home from school or day care and the last three minutes of the day before they go to bed.

PHOTO: Sara Martinez is pictured with her 19-month-old daughter Millie June.
Sara Martinez is pictured with her 19-month-old daughter Millie June.
Courtesy of Sara Martinez

For Martinez, implementing the theory with her daughter Millie has helped her erase the "mom guilt" she said she felt, wondering whether she was doing enough for and spending enough time with her daughter.

"I felt a huge shift with her, but also with me and kind of this 'mom guilt' I had," she said, adding that she focuses less on the amount of time, nine minutes, and more on having distraction-free pockets of time with her daughter. "If I felt like I did that throughout each day, I felt less of that pressure, less of that guilt."

When Martinez opened up about the 9-Minute Theory in a video on TikTok, it received nearly 600,000 views and thousands of comments.

Other creators have also shared their experiences with the parenting theory, causing a resurgence of attention.

An expert explains the 9-Minute Theory for parents

The creation of the 9-Minute Theory is credited to the late Jaak Panksepp, Ph.D., a neuroscientist who is most well-known for developing the field of affective neuroscience, the study of how the brain processes emotions.

Panksepp taught and studied for decades at Bowling Green State University in Ohio, where his work intersected with Eric Dubow, Ph.D., a distinguished research professor at the university.

Dubow told "GMA" that he believes Panksepp, who died in 2017, would be "thrilled" that his 9-Minute Theory is reaching and helping more and more parents even to this day.

"I think he'd be really thrilled with the fact that his basic research is being applied," Dubow said. "That's what most psychological researchers want to see ... they want to see that their basic research is applied for the public good, and certainly when we talk about parent-child interactions, that is definitely for the public good."

PHOTO: Sara Martinez, a mom in California, shared on TikTok about a theory on the nine most important minutes of a child's day.
Sara Martinez, a mom in California, shared on TikTok about a theory on the nine most important minutes of a child's day.
@iamsaramartinez/TikTok

Dubow said Panksepp's development of the 9-Minute Theory came from the research he did on animals, specifically his finding that special contacts -- like hugging or tickling or patting -- can create positive emotions.

Panksepp's theory simply gives parents some structure for creating special moments that leave kids with positive emotions, according to Dubow.

"Even though it's called the 9-minute theory, I think Jaak would agree, it's not so much about the amount of time as the quality of the interactions," Dubow said. "These are three key time points because it's when the child first wakes up, when your child is home from school to process the day and then when the child is last awake at night. These are the time points where parents can have contacts with children."

Dubow noted that in today's world, it's clear that not every parent can be with their child at each of those three moments during the day due to work and other family schedules.

Parents then can focus less on the specific timing, according to Dubow, and more on making sure they provide "warmth and structure" for their kids.

"We want to make the child feels safe and respected and loved and valued," Dubow said. "And structure is critical in parent-child relationships, meaning parents are providing clear information on expectations for behavior and following through on consequences when discipline is required."

When it comes to warmth, Dubow said that can look like a hug or a kiss or a pat on the back, or words of praise and approval. It can also look like a distraction-free conversation with a child about their day, their schedule for the next day, their academic work, their relationships with friends and teachers, and anything else on their mind.

"Those are real specifics that all show the child that the child is cared for and loved and valued," Dubow said. "And that's the critical overall piece."

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