A Healthy Fight Club for Spouses
Oct. 17 -- Welcome to the Fight Club
Do you and your mate butt heads on a regular basis? Congratulations — you are among the ranks of the majority of American couples, who are struggling every day to deal with the many splendors of life and love.
And do you think you fight with your spouse just a little too much? Not to worry — the good news is that couples who stay married actually disagree the same amount as those who don't. The fact that they fight is not the problem — how they fight is more important.
Anger is inevitable in relationships. If two people are living together, they are bound to disagree about small, seemingly petty things — "Whose turn is it to walk the dog? Why am I always doing the laundry?" — as well as larger, more significant issues — "How can we possibly make the next mortgage payment?"
People manage their anger in different ways. Some deny it, some bury it, others nurse their anger, and others vent it at every available moment. Yet the most pernicious way of handling anger in marriage is not to handle it at all. This is when anger becomes self-perpetuating, locking husbands and wives in a vicious cycle of blame and hostility. Stuck in repetitive arguments that go nowhere, some couples dig in their heels in a vain attempt to prove themselves right and their partners wrong.
To figure out how you and your partner can switch from harmful to healthy fighting, ABCNEWS sought advice from the expert counselors of Seven Secrets of a Happy Marriage (Workman Publishing, 2002), who provided these tips on how to battle better.
Happy Fighting!
1. Stop trying to win. In most arguments, each person is a little right and a little wrong.
2. Plan your approach. Schedule a time and place to resolve conflict. Timing is everything. Don't bring up important issues when you are too tired or too rushed to resolve them.
3. Be clear and specific. Discuss one issue at a time and stay focused on the point you are trying to make. Try to be as neutral as you can in presenting your point of view.
Related Stories
ABC News Live