The Art of Saying No to the Summer Invite

June 2, 2014 -- The warmer months are supposed to be relaxing, but we know we aren't the only ones who have been socked with social obligations this summer. As far as your calendar is concerned, the next time you can squeeze in a moment to breathe is mid-October. Hoping to salvage the season and make a dent in our Netflix queues, we consulted etiquette expert and author Lizzie Post. The ever-gracious guru advised us on how to juggle multiple invitations, manage demanding weekend guests and still find time to stream The Bachelorette before Labor Day.

If You 'Will Not Attend' ...

Your inbox is teeming with Paperless Post invitations and at least six of them kindly request the pleasure of your company on the same Saturday in July. To respectfully decline, Post advises: "Basically, [your response] depends on the gathering. The rule is that a wedding is the only event that if you cannot attend you should still send a small token gift to the couple. If you can't go to a weekend getaway, or a Fourth of July party, or even a backyard barbecue, all you have to say is, 'I'm so sorry. We can't go.' That's it."

If You Need to Cancel ...

You're swamped at work or you have a root canal or you just don't want to go to yet another baby shower. According to Post, you can always theoretically renege: "Truthfully, it depends on why you're canceling. It's really only your business and you don't ever have to tell people why you can't go to their event. But good etiquette is that you would never cancel just because you don't feel up to it. You would cancel if your car broke down or your child got sick or work was piling up. It's absolutely fine to cancel under certain circumstances, but you should have a good reason. Whether or not you choose to share it [with your host] is up to you. Once you've decided not to go, you should call immediately to let your host know. I would do anything I could to get in touch with them, so the phone is the usually the best way to do it." As for whether it's ever acceptable to skip a party that you've promised to attend in favor of a more attractive gathering, Post is unequivocal: "You should never 'trade up' an invitation."

If Your Second Cousins Want to Spend the Weekend ... Again.

You savor each and every second spent at your weekend home, but so does everyone else you know. If family or friends are angling for another invite to your summer sanctuary, Post assures: "You can just say to them, 'You know, we had such a great time last time you were over, but unfortunately we're taking that weekend for ourselves.' That's one way to start that conversation. But if you're worried that they'll say, 'OK, how about the next weekend?' I would first say to myself, 'How bad would it really be to have them up again?' If you absolutely can't bear it, you can say to them, 'We'd love to have you ,but we're only able to accommodate so many guests this summer.' The only thing you really don't want to say is, 'You can't come again.'"