What does Jeffrey Loria get for mishandling Marlins? Pure profit

BySAM MILLER
February 15, 2017, 11:41 PM

— -- In a game so often described as one of failure, in a game that promises to be one of meritocracy, there is one job immune to both: the owner's.

That much was made clear by reports Thursday that Jeffrey Loria has a handshake agreement to sell his Miami Marlins to "a New York real estate developer" -- and that Charles Kushner, father-in-law of Ivanka Trump, is part of a potential purchase group -- for $1.6 billion, a tenfold return on the $158 million that he officially (but only sort of) acquired the Marlins for in 2002.

The deal is not final, and it? would need MLB's approval, but even if Loria's price were to drop by a billion dollars -- closer to the estimated $675 million at which Forbes values the Marlins -- Loria would turn a large profit after 15 years of losing, petty controversies, public outrages, personnel churn and strange baseball decisions. If Loria's Marlins can't decline in value, a major league baseball team can't decline in value.

Loria's sins and bungles run the gamut, to say the least. He was once compelled to hike the Marlins' payroll after union complaints that he was pocketing revenue checks instead of investing them in the club's roster. He convinced Miami-Dade County commissioners to fund the bulk of his new ballpark costs, then gutted his major league roster after the first season there. He named his general manager the manager -- a highly unusual show of highly unusual faith -- then, when that didn't work, he fired him outright five months later. He also once fired Joe Girardi just weeks before Girardi was named Manager of the Year.

He let his payroll dip as low as $20 million, when the league's median payroll was $80 million. He signed Mark Buehrle to a long deal, convinced Buehrle that he was truly committed to keeping him in Miami, then after one season traded him to a country where Buehrle's beloved dog was illegal. His hand-picked hitting instructor resigned after complaints that he was verbally abusing young players. He fired his team's TV analyst for negativity. There's plenty more, but maybe nothing says "directionless hate pit" as well as the Godot-like exchange between Loria and Ozzie Guillen that was captured by the New Yorker's Ben McGrath just before Guillen's first season as Miami's manager:

"If I get this man to where he should be, it gonna be a raise," [Guillen] said. Loria lifted his eyebrows. "The World Series?" he asked. "Oh, no, that's up to them," Guillen said, and turned to look back at the players on the field. "Oh, so they should get the raise," Loria said. "I get paid to win World Series," Guillen continued. "O.K.," Loria said, verging on impatient. "So just do it." Guillen shook his head. " They gonna do it," he said.

Guillen got fired after the season. The Marlins haven't had a winning season since Loria lifted his eyebrows.