Tennessee QB Brian Maurer planned suicide in January, seeking treatment
Tennessee quarterback Brian Maurer, hoping to bring awareness to the importance of mental health, on Friday detailed in an Instagram post that he was planning to kill himself on Jan. 22 before receiving a phone call from his mother that day.
"I thought I lost my battle with depression and my pain had come to an end," Maurer wrote on Instagram about the events of Jan. 22. "As I was going to do it I looked up and said 'god if this isn't your plan for me please send me a sign.'
"2 minutes later my mom called me with my baby nephew Jeremiah and she said she was just calling to say she loved me, I then knew by ending my pain I would be causing so much more to the people who loved me."
Maurer said he has struggled with depression and anxiety since the seventh grade, when his father was sentenced to 25 years in prison and his mother and stepfather separated. He moved in with his grandmother when he was in the ninth grade and said one of his best friends killed himself when he was a junior in high school and that he lost two other friends to gun violence as a senior.
"I slipped even deeper into a black hole and I turned to everything else but seeking help," Maurer wrote in the post.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and Maurer told ESPN on Friday that he decided to share his struggles to help others living with depression.
"My goal was not to bring attention to myself, but to bring attention to mental health," Maurer told ESPN. "It's something a lot of people struggle with. And not only younger people, but all people. They battle it every day and keep it a secret. My thinking was that if a college athlete can come out and speak about how seeking help is the most important thing you can do, then maybe all those people out there struggling will reach out to somebody and know that there is always hope."
Maurer, who lives in Ocala, Florida, was on his way back to Tennessee on Friday and said he plans to seek treatment immediately. He's spoken to several teammates and coaches, including quarterbacks coach Chris Weinke, after they read his Instagram post.
"I didn't tell anybody about what I was going through, because you're embarrassed," Maurer told ESPN. "But everybody at the University of Tennessee has been great, and Coach Weinke has been my rock. I'm excited to better myself. And most of all, to let others know who are going through the same thing that they're not alone."
Maurer played in eight games last season for the Vols as a true freshman and made four starts. He suffered concussions against Mississippi State and Alabama.
"Even when I was hurt, I was trying to put a happy face on everything, stay up and not bring any negative energy to the team. And that was one of the lowest times for me," Maurer told ESPN. "I know I'm going to get through this and that there are so many people at the University of Tennessee who are there for me and are going to help me.
"I still have some rocky days, but I know I'm going to get the help I need and hope others will join me."
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