Funnies: Table for One

Nov. 19, 2006 — -- A roundup of the late-night comics.

Jay Leno: "Last night President Bush landed in Vietnam, but he was running a little bit behind. As you know, he's supposed to be there in 1968."

Conan O'Brien: "Yesterday ah, Democrat Russ Feingold announced he has decided not to run for President in 2008. Yeah. Which finally answers the question no one asked."

Jay Leno: "According to a new poll, three out of five Americans believe that the Democrats have no plan for Iraq. Three out of five think the Democrats have no plan. Of course, when they heard this the Democrats were stunned. They went, 'What? You mean two of them think we actually have a plan?' "

David Letterman: "Travel plan, tomorrow President Bush is leaving for Vietnam. I guess this time his father couldn't get him out of it."

Jon Stewart: "But the field's already getting crowded with candidates. Everyone knows about Hillary and McCain, but who else has got a shot? On the Republican side, Rudy Giuliani. Hero of 9/11, Time Person of the Year, member of the Comb-over Club for Men. And also a member of the New York divorced, pro-choice, pro-gun control, pro-stem cell research, gay friendly wing of the Republican party. I'm sorry, did I say wing? I meant room. Did I say room? I meant corner. Did I say corner? I meant table… for one."

Jay Leno: "According to ABC News, John McCain is forming an exploratory committee to run for President. Not to be outdone, Hillary Clinton also forming an exploratory committee just to try and keep track of her husband. Yeah, they're hoping they can find out where…"