FUNNIES: Ask Mexico How to Move 12 Million

June 4, 2006 — -- A roundup of the late-night comics.

Jay Leno: FEMA has closed their office in New Orleans. I guess they want to get out of there before hurricane season starts.

David Letterman: I was talking to a friend of mine who works down in Washington at the weather bureau down there. And he was saying, "Don't kid yourself, this global warming is deadly serious." As a matter of fact, in 10 years, they believe in 10 years, Hillary Clinton will be completely defrosted.

Leno: He was talking about immigration. President Bush said that massive deportation is unrealistic. He says you can't just move 12 million people to another country. I don't know: Mexico did it.

Letterman: Now it's time for "Great Moments in Presidential Speeches," "Great Moments in Presidential Speeches."
FDR: That the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
JFK: Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.
President Bush: If you don't like what we tell you to believe in, we'll kill you.

Leno: President Bush's approval rating [is at an] all-time low, 31 percent. Give you an idea of how bad it is: If Bush could run again in the next presidential election, he would get beaten by the bird flu.

Letterman: According to a new poll, Condoleezza Rice, secretary of state, is the most popular member of the Bush administration. Most popular member of the Bush administration. Yeah. That's like being MVP of the Knicks, thank you very much.