Jodi Arias expressed sentiments of remorse in secret testimony released Thursday. Her attorneys did not want it to be made public, but a court overruled the wishes.
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Arias wanted to testify behind closed doors because she said she was getting death threats and wouldn't be able to answer question in a manner "she truly means," according to the testimony.
"Because what I did was so horrific I couldn't have -- I could never have imagined myself doing that to another human being," Arias said.
But it didn't take long for the defense to switch course and focus on Arias' upbringing, including her relationship with her mother and also with her on-again-off-again boyfriend, Travis Alexander.
"Well my mom began to carry a wooden spoon in her purse and wherever we were, whether it was home or out somewhere, if we were misbehaving, she would pull it out and whack us with it," Arias said.
"Yeah, he squeezed really hard and then he let go and I fell to my knees, very lightheaded, I almost passed out, but I didn't," Arias said of her boyfriend.
On the second day of her secret testimony, Arias told jurors she and Alexander met at a convention in Las Vegas, and shortly after, their relationship grew physical.
Arias said Alexander introduced her to his Mormon faith. But she said she was uncomfortable with how fast they were moving, especially after an encounter in her car.
Soon after that, Judge Sherry Stephens received an order from the Arizona Court of Appeals, putting a stop to the secret testimony. Arias opted not to address the jurors again.
Arias faced a possible death sentence for the 2008 murder of Alexander, but after the first jury could not decide how to sentence her, a second jury was assembled for a second crack at the sentencing phase. That second sentencing trial resulted in a hung jury after one holdout would not agree to sentence her to death.
Now, the judge is tasked with deciding whether Arias will be sentenced to life in prison with or without the possibility of parole in 25 years.