— -- Oct. 3 marks 20 years since O.J. Simpson was found not guilty in a Los Angeles County courtroom of killing Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson.
In a recent interview, Kim Goldman, Ron Goldman’s sister, said she is still struggling to come to terms with the verdict.
"When we got to the doors to walk into the courtroom, I stood frozen. I couldn't make it across the threshold," Goldman told ABC's Los Angeles station KABC. "And a friend of mine who's a DA investigator just pushed me over and said, 'You've got this. You're strong. You can handle it.' And the rest is sort of history when you watch the playback."
Goldman said the majority of it is still “a blur,” but she vividly remembers how she felt the moment leading up to the verdict.
“I could remember feeling my heart like thumping so loudly that I thought it was going to pop out of my chest,” said Goldman, who mentioned she told everyone to be quiet as the courtroom awaited the jury’s decision on the murder of her brother.
"I was thinking that Ron's verdict may be different. I don't know why I thought that, but I wanted to hear Ron's verdict loud and clear," Goldman said. "I just couldn't believe it. I felt shock and despair and betrayal, and Judge [Lance] Ito told everybody to quiet down and tried to get control of the courtroom. We just got up and walked out."
After years of struggling to cope with the verdict, Kim Goldman has written two books. “Media Circus,” which was released just last week, is a book about how families deal with tragic events in the public eye.
"Because of my experience, I was able to elicit such honesty from these families because the media have never asked what it was like to live the private tragedy in the public eye," Goldman told KABC.
When asked what she plans to do on the anniversary of the verdict, Goldman said she will be spending the weekend in a happy place and will be attending a good friend’s wedding.